Nuraisyahhh

2012-01-30T13:04:00.004+08:00

harro.

forever and always blogging cause forever and always bored! so the previous post was dramatic ttm. dont judge me ok, every one has their story to tell so i guess that was mine, the sad part before the climax of the movie starts :)

so there's this group of people. they keep popping up in my mind. cannot tahan, maciam nak meletup.
due to happiness. cause they so cute.

especially at 1.31, that zayn malik wah cair aku ♥♥ :3

and this makes me giggle like a baby. if babies could giggle. do they?

hah okay bored. currently i've got no more shows to watch cause there are no new episodes of the ones that i love. and i dont wanna start on any news shows caused i'll get hooked for sure which is bad cause i'll start obsessing, so yeah.

lalalala ~

oh yes, so i ended up in Ngee Ann's Business and Social Enterprise yessah! woke up, read the sms, smiled like mad while rolling around in bed for about a good 5 minutes (literally, LOL), entertained some people's texts then back to sleep again hoho what a nice surprise early in the morning ^^
MOE was like the toothfairy!

Zah was so excited saying how we can go to school together every morning HAHA yeah woo yayness lol imagine being with her everyday......... hahaha k.

i'm secretly hoping Xueqi will go for BZSE with me which she got for JPSAE, over her JAE's Integrated Events at SP :> i didnt know BZSE's intake was only 40. it'll be like a typical class again! i was (sorta) hoping it'd be like those mass lectures you always see on tv hehe but nvm, smaller group so i think i'll be able to learn better if that makes sense heheh.

i miss this girl :')

actually i miss all of you. i really do. i want to spend time with you but you seem to have no time for me. and jc starting tomorrow already... but we'll get through this i know we will :)

hahah bual mcm wont be able to meet up for months ke years gitu padahal tak.

so hi, i need to get a job. asap! i want money cause i want to shop. please please please.
despo much hehe okay stopping it.

ok, tata!
lol tata.

"The quietest people have the loudest minds."

2012-01-29T15:57:00.016+08:00

i apologise for the... blow up. who am i apologising to? i dont know lah okay i'm just apologising. i just tend to be that way. when i'm angry, its kaboom but a moment later i'll realise how silly i am.

cant wait till i get my own laptop. wont have to argue with my adik over the computer. and wont have my family poking their noses in my business!

cant remember whatever it was i initially wanted to blog about but nvm, i have other things in mind now.

i can never get my room to be clean. not only because i'm lazy, but when i'm actually trying to clear my stuff away i find it hard to throw anything away. i'm a sentimental person and i like to keep stuff. even the small things, and i dont mean literal small. heck, even throwing my school worksheets and notes are like.... i dont wanna do it :( i put so much effort in them you know!

ok maybe except for amaths. i feel bad for amaths. hi amaths, i'm so sorry i gave up on you. saying i never wanted to would be a lie, cause that was what i was thinking of eversince the beginning of sec four. i feel bad that i didnt want to put more effort into you. if i could redo all that, believe me, i would.

and the reason i gave up? it made me feel like a failure, which i was. but not only a failure in amaths, but in every aspect. it reminded me on of the things i've tried and failed at. how horrible it felt to try so hard and yet never improve. i was very emotional about it. amaths demoralised me and made me didnt want to study, or in fact, do anything about anything. it was that bad. sometimes i'd always laugh it off like 'hah yeah failed again, whats new huh' but it really did get to me. those feelings i used to have, ones i experienced long ago that i never want to experience again, came back. so yeah, wasnt strong enough to face them again so i took the easy way out and gave up.

side note; it fucking annoys me when people dont close my room door after going out. what more if they keep walking in and out. i cant stand it. just had to get that off my chest.

so back to topic. actually no, next point. which is somehow related to the feelings part but nothing to do with the cleaning or amaths part.

many years ago i had a big issue with self esteem and whatever you could ever think about how people viewed me and how i felt about myself, stuff like that. being the paranoid overthinking freak that i am, i never felt good enough for anyone or anything. plus i wasnt the same size as i am now back then, i used to be so much rounder. how would you feel if you were already insecure about everything and your brothers call you fat every single day?

in a way i never had friends who stuck around throughout the years in primary school. no real friends as people would say. only came when they needed me, if not i'd be ignored. being totally shy and quiet never helped at all. i never had the guts to approach anyone or make any friends. yeah, that bad. i was never happy with myself. for being so shy. so quiet. for constantly being ignored. for not being good enough to anyone. i made myself think nobody wanted to stick around cause i wasnt worth a friend. i didnt feel worthy for anything. that no one cared and i didnt matter. i blamed myself for things being how they were and for the predicament i was in, and made myself miserable as 'punishment'. fucking cried everyday. i even hurt myself. my mind was pretty messed. very messed up actually.

i never shared these feelings with anyone. how could i? it was these same people around me that, in a way, was causing me to feel the way i did. i knew they didnt care and i didnt wanna bother them and have them think of me as a whiney insecure crack. so i kept to myself, putting on a facade. and it was like this till about sec 2. i finally got over that bullcrap. it took a lot and it took a long time.

see why i always remove my archives?

every now and then these feelings come back and when they do i cannot bear to deal with them. i used to always hold everything in till the end of the night and cry myself to sleep but i cant do that now. when i have to cry i just break into tears on the spot, and i just did. thinking about this matter always make me do so.

this is also why i'm so insecure and why i struggle with some things. the reason behind the way i am sometimes. why i was so afraid to develop feelings for anyone. why i cannot stand to have certain things happen. the reason i dont judge anyone. the reason i make it a point to be nice to everyone i meet. you never know what they might be feeling, what they might be going through. your nice gesture, thoughtful action or kind act might possibly make them feel a little better. i cannot stand for people being mean to others.

i'm glad i've learnt to manage my thoughts and feelings a better. thing is, now i kinda cant control my feelings. when i feel angry i need to blow up that moment if not i'll cry. if i'm feeling emotional at that moment i'll start to cry. if i'm happy i'll start laughing for no reason. stuff like that. and the emotions switch back and forth from one end of the spectrum to the other really quickly. well at least its better than being forever sad :)

but you know what hurts most? when your family think its funny to mock you. even though i'm no longer that person, my family still thinks i'm the same. they laugh at me whenever i tell them what i want to do, like maybe be a psychologist one day. especially my mum. she laughed at me saying, 'you, psychologist? you cant even talk to people'. or when i told her i've always wanted to learn how to dance and i wanna join dance in poly. she said, 'dont embarrass yourself lah, you cant dance'. i dont want to remember any other occations cause its making me cry but my point is, you are my family members. why do you take pleasure in belittling my dreams? do you know how much it hurts when you say such things? how it makes me feel when the very people i love dont believe in me, and actually think its funny to make a mockery out of me and how i am? no, you obviously dont. so let me say, its not exactly the best feeling in the world. it really hurts.

that aside. realize that i always post photos like these every once in awhile?

because i want you to realize how lovely you are. i want you to know that you are loved, and that i will always be here for you. everyone needs a reminder sometimes :)

also partly the reason why i look up to Kimmi Smiles so much. she truly is a wonderful, strong and inspirational person ♥

and why i want to study psychology!!! the counselling sessions i had for abit really opened my eyes and sparked my interest.

aha, this has been a really long, emotional and boring post. never have i openly shared these feelings even though i've harbored them for years. thank you for reading till the end if you did, you now know a gallon full dont you?

to end it off!

Poreotics make your booty go,

2012-01-29T15:16:00.003+08:00

Aloha i just came back from madrasah. i love going for madrasah, do you know that? but i didnt used to, in fact i used to absolutely dread going for madrasah and purposely come late for class or even skip weeks entirely followed by just stop attending all together. this time i enjoy it. though i still dont have friends in madrasah. ah well.

oh you know what? nosey people irritate the fuck out of me ok this is why i dont like to blog on the computer my family loves to suddenly come in the room and look and read everything.

i've lost my mood to blog k bye.

fall into my arms

2012-01-26T20:43:00.006+08:00

hi. so i guess i feel better now. why? dont know lah ok. i'm just really paranoid till i dont wanna post due to some reasons LOL.
shut up.

here's the meat i promised in the last post.

HAHA you're welcome i know you liked it ;)

i always think of what to write in my posts when i'm out about and bored (meaning most of the time) but when i do get my hands on the computer, they never come out right. in my head the thoughts, ideas and words flow so easily but the moment i open up blogger i freeze.
ah well.

i like making lists. forever love making lists and also forever not accomplishing what i said i will in them, if you understand what i mean. ok i never know how to get my point across. i have difficulty finding the words to describe a situation, feeling, or try to make analogies or examples.

back to point! in commemoration of sending in my timesheet (big news yknow, somehow), i shall make a list. of the things i want.

camera

YOU DONT KNOW HOW IMPORTANT HAVING A CAMERA IS TO ME, SRZLY.

pencil skirts

versatile and sexy.

them

need i say more?

a cat

so. adorablez. brb dying

a twin

tattoos

her hair

to meet this girl

to be able to do this with my hair T.T

DRESSES. I WANT MORE DRESSES.

i want to

go shopping
watch movies
paint my nails
eat sushi!

ok now i'm lazy to think of what else i want, cause i could make one whole mega super long list if i wanted to but no, i do not want to.

yeah bitch.
ok bye :)

2012-01-26T19:17:00.004+08:00

still feeling umcomfortable LOL no its not what you think whatever it is you're thinking little one.
itching to post something with more... meat. soon.
for now i shall just summarise today.

new specs!
sent in my work time sheet PAY FASTER COME PLEAZ
met hazzry, ate mac and watched big bang theory
PLAYED WITH MAISY, OH HOW I LOVE MAISY
AND KINDER SURPRISE
AND DA HUG

(from Jaiya's blog, nice shit)

AND YOU.

2012-01-25T10:03:00.007+08:00

i think this is complete and utter bullshit.

tell me guys, is it,or does this hold some truth?

hi, so i wanna continue the post i wrote yesterday but i shall wait till i feel... comfortable lol. dont ask why. i'll tell ya later. soon. maybe. i see first how.

many things that i gotta dooooo.
dodo.

conversation with my mama
mama: so what time you wanna go out?
me: okay
mama: i asked you what time, what is okay?!

bye!

2012-01-24T22:20:00.002+08:00

Toni's photograph from facebook. he is really talented :)

hihi, i had a picnic today. with who else? the person i keep mentioning and referring to in almost all my posts lately. this guy named hazzry.

ok i shall continue tmr buhbye!

roses are red, violets are blue.

2012-01-20T21:45:00.003+08:00

i love little kids. i feel like kidnapping them whenever i see one. it'll be the first thing i'll do if i go insane.

so i really liked today. skipped work, went to school for cny celebration, had a movie date with hazzry, and bought a dress. yeah, life's good :)

only thing would be better if i was feeling well. i fall sick easily, totally sucks.

also, i really miss you. i wonder what happened to you dear friend, i wonder why you seem to have changed. it feels like i'm a burden to you now. i dont even know if you still consider me a friend. we have grown so much apart. i wonder whats wrong.

take care sweethearts ♥

forever will be,

2012-01-16T11:22:00.005+08:00

minus a year and a few months from the date, this exactly how i felt and still feel.

hi, so. erm. i dont know. i just feel like posting tumblr stuff again. i apologise if they make you roll your eyes. it is what it is and what it is, well, its evident enough, isnt it?

I focus on all the wonderful things I have going in my life and they seem to cancel out the bad :)
There are times when I get down, but I look for the bright side of the situation and then everything is okay again.
If you want to be a happy, positive person you have to put in the effort to do so. :)
Life is so much better when you just appreciate all the lovely things.

- Kimmi

this, above all.

2012-01-13T23:30:00.004+08:00

Hello jello, very much the lack of updates, I know. Just don't have the inspiration to blog right now. Lol as if my posts were ever of those sort. Actually just can't find the time right now, especially with this job I now have, which I dread. But maybe I'm speaking too soon. It only has been my first day today anyway but I'm dog tired.

Oh, my o level results really did surprise me. A lot. Still should have studied harder though, could have done a whole lot better if i did come to think of it. But still, sungguh bershukur for getting what I got. Allhamdullah :)

Things to do?
1. Try to get a better job if not just stick with the current one till end of the month.
2. Clear my table and all the secondary school stuff once an for all.
3. Spend time with the people I love.
4. Improve on my English.
5. Work on those things I've been meaning to do since last year.
6. Learn to manage my time.

I cannot afford to be lazy anymore. I've realized how much has been missed out just because of pure laziness. Its a waste of my time. I also want to embrace my religion please. I'm glad I have madrasah classes now. I only wish they didn't clash with work..

"We'll learn the meaning of endurance." Yes indeed Puteri, we will :)

I really need to acquire time management skills. That, and patience. Kesabaran adalah separuh daripada iman, kan Hoshi? :) hehe.

Ok work tomorrow, ought to go to sleep soon. Ah, my posts really are so boring aren't they :/ just tired and moody with a tint of disappointment in myself. I need some intervention, some inspiration. I know tomorow will be a great day <3

Have a good night :)

2012-01-10T16:03:00.002+08:00

fuck this shit i wrote a fucking long blog post, now its gone
bye

hello my unicorn

2011-12-29T20:35:00.008+08:00

Today is a wonderful day. Not that something incredibly spectacular happened, its just that i feel happy. "Happiness depends on ourselves", fo'sure.

I called all the numbers i got yesterday from job-hunting to ask if they are hiring and every single one was to no avail. So yeah hi, still jobless. Later on Hazzry told me Siti cant go out on new years eve then sad ah, need to find someone else (cause i cant be out so late with just a guy). But we cant seem to think of anyone else hmm. I dont have many friends you see. Or not many that i'm close to. Those few that i am close to, dont go out much. But its okay :)

Tomorrow will be 2e4's christmas exchange ^_^ bought the present i'll be giving with Hazzry yesterday and i'm excited hehe. Hope many people turn up. I miss them ohsomuch. Elvin will come pick me up at my bus stop haha aww so sweet c:

Finally texted Nadiah, i miss her so much so long never spend time with her! We're planning to go out with the netballers next friday :D hope they all can go, i miss de good ol days

Hmm what else... ohyes. Work with Hazzry on the first 2 weekends of 2012! Heee :} and yayee, my mama just asked if i can work at her office for a week or two soon ^^ maybe not so jobless after all hehe.
hai money, be my fwen k? Fwens foreva.

Lucretia called me today just to thank me for the christmas present saying she absolutely loves it. Sweet isnt she? I have such nice friends :) i initially thought she wouldnt like it. Like think it was cheap or what lol. I mean she gave me a shower-bath set thingy (lol i duno what its called) from metro. Compare that to what i gave. The thought really does matter huh.

Sooooooo... the year is ending real soon. The year i needed to step up in terms of studies but never did. But no point in regrets. But i did become slightly more outspoken this year, and became more open minded. A lot more open minded in fact. It was also the year i got over philophobia and fell in love (cheezy, i know, but real). I've made good changes this year. Nothing too big or significant but still, changes. Baby steps. Its been a good year.

2012, come at me bro.

2011-12-27T18:21:00.006+08:00

hi, just got back from fishing with my adik and papa. we caught 5 crabs, several fishes and 2 starfishes hehehe. it was fun ^^ I love it when my papa's in a good mood. My adik though is forever being a bitch. Oh and we met my uncle, aunt and cousin there by coincidence, my uncle loves fishing as much as my papa does.

tmr going job-hunting with hazzry yay! Really hoping i'd get one this time coz I need da money.

ok i really want to spend time with all my friends, i miss them :( i always go out with hazzry, when will everyone else have time for me?!?!!!!!! hahahaha despo. buat mcm nk mintak orng kesiankan padahal i never even took the effort to ask them out first either hehe. ok i shall, soon. i really miss them. i want school :(

On christmas, went for lucretia's party ^^ hazzry met me at my bus stop and teman me to her house. Such a sweet boy. there, we had tonnes of yummy food, we played card games (I won hehe), had christmas carolling, ate again, walked arnd her condo, exchanged presents and went home :) Have to admit going home alone was scary shit cause it was around midnight and I'm a really paranoid person and i'm such a scaredy-cat. And though it was my abg's bday, we didn't celebrate it cause he was out. He's 19 now ^^

cat obsession time.

my adik asked, whats the point of blogging when no one reads my blog? and this got me angry. cant i blog for myself, must it be for someone else? for someone to read? i blog cause it makes me happy. it doesnt bother me if no one reads it. i dont blog to seek attention. i dont go around asking people to read it or even expect anyone to do so. in fact, all the better that no one reads this shit. no one to judge me for what i think and what i say. its like i'm talking to myself whenever i blog.
and i'm perfectly fine with that.

you da one.

2011-12-26T20:24:00.006+08:00

today has been flippin boring, and i never bothered to do anything productive either so yay.

I avoid some people on purpose
I’ve thought about cheating
I hate the way I look most of the time
I actually like the way I look most of the time
I’ve been swimming in an ocean
I’ve been swimming in a lake
I have siblings
I have pets
I’ve been on vacation recently
I love meeting new people
I am insanely shy
I’m on a sports team
My best friend is a boy
I play music
I don’t remember the last time I mailed a letter
I talk on the phone (almost) every night
I drink milk almost every day
I like to read
I like to watch tv
I could care less about video games
I hate my mom and dad
I’ve had a crush on someone for 5+ years
I’ve never asked someone out
I can touch my nose with my tongue
I love pizza
I actually love going grocery shopping
I love to travel
I’ve been to another continent
I wish I had time to watch more movies
I miss being a little kid
I’ve been to a public pool recently
Summer is my favorite time of the year
Winter is my favorite time of the year
I have a favorite holiday
I have a favorite holiday other than Christmas
I’ve been to a concert recently
I drive
I have my own car
My room is almost always messy
I’m listening to music right now
Music helps me work
The last person I texted was a boy
I want a new phone really bad
I love cartoons
The last thing I drank was water
I used to play with barbies
I collect something
I’ve been to a carnival recently
I need to charge my phone
I have a huge crush on someone right now
I’m in my pajamas
I have to go to school tomorrow I WISH I WAS
I need to clean something
I’ve thrown up on purpose
I’ve broken a bone
I’ve eaten something weird
I’m an extremely picky eater
I’ve been out to eat recently
I love going to the mall shopping
I hate big groups
I remember the last party I went to
I’m on the phone right now
I’m watching tv right now
I’m eating right now
I’m on the phone, watching tv, and eating right now
I’ve been told I’m funny
I’ve been told I’m pretty
I’ve been told that I have gorgeous eyes
I need new clothes really bad
My hair is up right now
I need to shave my legs
I remember the last time I went to the doctor
I have braces
I actually use my locker at school
I get good grades
I have a MySpace
I have a Facebook
I spy with my little eye something that is green
I spy with my little eye something that is round
I spy with my little eye something that is broken
I’ve had surgery
Someone I know has died
Someone I know has had cancer
It’s past my bedtime
I’ve moved before
I’ve moved 4+ times
I’ve gotten something removed
People tell me that they like my clothes
I wish I had some money right now
I have a job
I need a job
I actually got a stupid class ring
I’m listening to someone talking right now
I wish I could talk to the boy I like/love right now
I’ve kissed someone in front of my parents
I’ve kissed someone on New Year’s
I love Halloween
I remember the last time I tripped
I can see a picture of me from where I’m sitting
I can see my reflection from where I’m sitting
I’m kinda scared of the dark
It’s hard to sleep with the door open
It’s hard to sleep without a blanket
It’s morning
I played soccer when I was little
I played basketball when I was little
My ears are pierced
My belly button is pierced
I plan on going to college
I plan on getting married
I plan on having some kids
I babysit
I still get an allowance
I curse a lot
I got so drunk last night
I’ve been to a wedding recently
I’ve met someone special on vacation
I have an accent (is speaking singlish considered as somewhat a singaporean accent? no?)
I’m completely white
I know someone who has been home-schooled
I know someone in a band
I can sing really well
I can dance really well (i wish)
I’ve never slow danced with anyone
I suck at spelling
I suck at math
I recycle
I know some rednecks
I want to get a tattoo
I want to get a new piercing
I hate MTV and VH1
I miss an ex
I still love an ex
I’ve slapped someone
I’ve punched someone
I’ve been told that I have a nice butt
I can speak another language
I am fluent in another language
I can play the piano
I’ve been told that I can’t dance
I’m a cheerleader
I have a sweet tattoo
I have a sweet facial piercing
I need to practice something
I want to go to Mexico
I want to go to Canada
I’ve traveled across the country
I live on the east coast
I went to the beach last summer
I remember the last time I was insanely sunburned
I like to waste time
I like to sleep
I think I’m going to get asked out soon
I keep a journal
I don’t remember the last dream I had
My first kiss kinda sucked
I think smoking cigarettes is gross
I’m wearing something that belongs to someone else
My mom fixed the last meal I had
I should be doing homework right now
I’m adopted
I love sappy movies
I love horror movies
I love musicals
I’ve seen a broadway show
The last person I hugged was my mom/dad
All of my grandparents are alive
I miss my boyfriend
I haven’t talked to my best friend all day
People tell me that I’m short
Sometimes my socks don’t match
I can’t wait till my birthday
I’m a procrastinator
I’m not like everyone else (how would i know if i am or not?)
I like strawberries
I like thunderstorms
Someone’s mad at me right now
I hate when people are rude
I’m an optimist
My first relationship ended badly
I love when boys hold doors open
I’ve kissed 2+ people in one day
I bite my nails
I’ve been caught doing drugs
I’ve been caught cheating
I haven’t been to Disneyland/Disneyworld
I’ve passed out from drinking
I get angry easily
I’m laid back
I hate most girls
I love getting new shoes
I hate Chinese food
I don’t remember the last time I was grounded (cause i've never been grounded)
I’ve been in love before
I’ve been cheated on
There are certain songs that remind me of my ex
I straighten my hair more often than i should
I’ve been to a funeral this year
I am insanely hungry right now
I should probably do something productive now

i dont know how i can have doubts at this point in time. i clearly have too much free time at hand that i start overthinking everything. i thought i was over this.

i miss school.

2011-12-24T15:13:00.005+08:00

hai.

i'm bored and i finally finally finally got hold of the computer so i shall blog. not really. i just wanna post tumblr stuffz. nobody reads my blog anyway. except for piggy :)

❝ WELL, IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THE BEST RELATIONSHIPS — THE ONES THAT LAST — ARE FREQUENTLY THE ONES THAT ARE ROOTED IN FRIENDSHIP. YOU KNOW, ONE DAY YOU LOOK AT THE PERSON AND YOU SEE SOMETHING MORE THAN YOU DID THE NIGHT BEFORE. LIKE A SWITCH HAS BEEN FLICKED SOMEWHERE. AND THE PERSON WHO WAS JUST A FRIEND IS SUDDENLY THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN IMAGINE YOURSELF WITH. ❞
it was like this with you.

yeah and i changed my blogskin, got bored with the old one. i'll change the header and photo soon, maybe.

just wondering. if find some girls really attractive, and spaz over them like i would over a hawt guy, is there something wrong with me?

what you do prata

2011-12-20T10:56:00.008+08:00

Hai ^_^

So i have been up to so much more recently and i'm quite content with myself. Over the weekend i've been working with Hazzry, as an M&M mascot! Ehehe i love the job cause as the green M&M, kids will come running up to you wanting hugs and hi-fives and to talk a photo with you. You feel so loved and get treated like you're a celebrity hahaha. Being mascot minder is fun too! Got to meet Afiq working at one of the malls and unfortunately his asshole friend was there too, but nvm karma's gonna get him back maybe he'll get knocked down by a vehicle soon. But best of all i get to work alongside Hazzry :)

Yesterday i went out with Zahidah, Daramin and Hazzry. We went around Bugis and Orchard and Somerset, just window shopping. I did buy some stuff along the way but not much. What i shouldnt have spent much on was the food. I didnt even eat much of it. I just dont like spending money on food, i find it a waste cause i wont eat much. Also went around asking if shops were hiring. Cant wait to get my pay and finally be able to shop :>

Ok so today i shall clear my table. Its about time i did. Need to find that lost ring too.... Will also be learning to cook something simple today! Ikan bakar if i'm not wrong? Something like that.
Ok ended up just cleaning my room da whole day.

Oh today is Jannah's birthday!! So far, 23rd i'll have work. 25th is my brother's birthday and Lucretia's Christmas Dinner. And 30th will be 2e4's Christmas exchange! Needa get presents soon!

Hazzry and I saw dresses similar to this at Bugis. He said if he was a girl he'd wear it on Christmas. And he suggested i wear a dress like this to the Christmas dinner. Dude how about i go to your house dressed like that and cook dinner for your parents? He actually said i should zzz "oh hey you can call me slut"
Thanks.

And Manisha has left for the US.. hope she'll take care and be happy there. I wanna visit her someday :)

Stupid weather is making my flu be twice as much of a bitch than it is.
"Lim bei warn you first" nyahahaha yeh its funny :} and you should watch Dee Kosh on youtube if you havent heard of him yet, his account named sweetestkind c: He's so random and hilarious i love watching his rant videos!

I watched Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind today, remembered Mr Huang mention in during one of the literature lessons he relieved. Mind = blown. Lol nah i found it confusing at times but overall a good movie, I like. Will i erase any memories from my mind if given the choice? No, cause each one plays a part in the story of my life.

Ok so thats all for now. Do take care alright, the weather hasnt been all that friendly these days.

if not now, then when?

2011-12-14T08:57:00.015+08:00

This was supposed to be posted last week.

Helluuuuu, yez back from malaysia! It was quite ok there, as always didnt have much to do but i was ok with that half the time. Like i was going through internet-cleansing haha. If i wasnt busy killing flies with my adik, i'd be playing pokemon on Hazzry's gameboy. Other than that all i usually did was eat and sleep as always hehe. We drove over to Afamosa Water World on one of the days and splashed around sampai puas hati and my nose got sunburned through the sunblock lolzzz how could that have happened?

I initially wanted to go running today morning but.... i'm still in bed right now so guess thats not happening.
I really have to stop this, the not-doing-what-i-initially-planned-to-do kinda thing. I'm getting absolutely no where and i feel like i have wasted my whole holidays so far. Totally sucks.

To do:

1. Cheer up. I have to stop feeling crappy about myself all the time. And also, stop thinking my friends dont give a shit about me because (i hope) its not true.

2. Clean my room. I want to clear away my school stuff completely. I've put my books away but there's still sooooo many other shit lying around my room and sadly they dont belong there anymore.. i miss school :(

3. Read more. I feel like my vocabulary is really insufficient, there's no diversity with words or expressions that i use in daily life. It may seem like a silly thing but you have to realise language is important. If you're gonna use it everyday everywhere you go, best be decent at it and be creative with it, no? Anyway i think language is fun. Call me lame or whatever if you want. Unfortunately this attitude doesnt apply for malay language, which is another thing i should work on....

4. Learn how to cook and clean. Currently i have just about the bare necessity knowledge and capability of both. Only recently i've learnt how to cook rice, fry an egg, and cook maggi. I guess i know how to iron clothes and sweep and mop the floor but nothing else other than that. I've had a maid do everything for me all my life which has resulted in me being as pathetic as i am now. I admit i'm spoilt and pampared. My mama says she'll no longer employ a new maid after the current one leaves which is in the first half of next year...... how the fuck am i gonna survive????

5. Be more religious. I took out all my old madrasah school books and i wanna read them cause i've quite forgotten what i had learnt during the seven years i was attending the classes. You would think that after seven years i'd know how to read Arab and Jawi and the Quran but honestly, i'm ashamed to say that i dont. That right there is seven years of education wasted away. Combined with not praying and other stuff i do i kind of feel like i'm not deserving to call myself a Muslim..

6. Stop wasting time on unnecessary things. Dont be lazy. Learn to be patient. Be friendlier and nicer. More sociable, more outspoken.

7. Do volunteer work.

8. Take care of my health. Eat healthy and exercise more. Havent been doing much of either for a long time and i feel quite disgusted with myself, how i keep eating more than i need to just cause i'm bored. How i'm being unfair to my body's health by not keeping fit and exercising while i'm in my youth.

Other things i want to do but isnt mandatory; get a job, and do some shopping.

I usually dont discuss things about myself openly for the fear of being judged and what others may think of me but i've realised how silly that is. Is how people view me as important as how i have always put it to be? Not really. Everyone has flaws, things about themselves that they wanna work on or are not proud of. Things they wanna change about themselves to be a better person. Perhaps i sound like a grandma here but meh. Its about time i make some changes. And yes i am aware that the new year hasnt arrived yet, but why wait for a new year before you decide to change, why not start today?

I hope i keep to the list.

i want a knightmare

2011-12-05T22:43:00.003+08:00

Sup.

ok nah i'll still to saying hi. so..

hi. havent been up to much lately. mainly cause i dont have anything to do. k actually i do, but i'd just rather do nothing than those stuff which are currently on my need-to-do list. why? cause i'm a lazyass, and procrastinating is fun.

stayed over at my aunt's over the weekend. my cousins and grandma was there too. it was nice spending time with them but also, cause of me just being an anti-social introvert, didnt participate much in whatever they did together. i would either be sleeping, watching tv or minding my own business in the corner while they trashtalked someone or be on the computer together or whatev. even with my own family i dont fit in right.

watching Awkward together till 2am was fun though, despite them being younger with all those sex-related scenes and stuff like that. but its not like they're new to stuff like that kan? kids are now so exposed to all these kinda things from a young age by media and friends and whatnot. but of course, still doesnt make it any less awkward when i watched the show with them lol.

the visit to the beach was also nice but yeah as usual, didnt join the others when they played in the water. watched over them from a distance, made sure they didnt swim too far. like a grandma, hellyeah.

missed the vikings outing yesterday, which is sad. but its ok, i will go next time!

today was spent with hazzry, met shaan first to pass her the camera back and she gave me my supa belated birthday present (WHICH NANA HAS YET TO GIVE ME AHEM hehe) then trained to cityhall and walked around everywhere till we were tired and hungry and sleepy so we stopped to grab a bite at mac. it was fun making stupid faces with the serving tray paper. and that tourist documenting with a camera with his awesome accent? fuyo. blahblah and he sent me home. he's the sweetest thing. thing tau, not person. cause the title of sweetest person belongs to someone else.
GUESS WHO.

sooo.. my parents are planning to go to malaysia soon, balik kampung. i like being at kampung, free from access to people's drama on social network sites. cause seriously, it really irriates me whenever i read certain things posted by certain people. the fact that i get irritated easily doesnt help. but you know what? though i'm throughly irritated, i find these little trolls very entertaining. how their bitching exposes what hypocrites and idiots they are. and so maybe i am being an idiot right now for commenting what i just did, but so be it. i've long known how stupid i can get.
but hazzry told me not to stoop to their level so i shall stop here.

adios amigos, may you dream of the sweetest person :)

2011-12-03T00:35:00.003+08:00

got this from Sabrina's blog :)

Personality
I’m loud
I’m obnoxious
I’m sarcastic
I’m cocky
I cry easily
I have a bad temper
For the most part, I don’t like people
I’m easy to get along with (i guess)
I like to fight
I have more enemies than friends
I’ve smoked
I’ve smoked weed
I’ve gotten drunk
I drink coffee
I clean my room daily

My Appearance
I’m shorter than 5’5
I wear makeup
I wear a piece of jewelry at all times
I wear contacts
I wear glasses ~~sometimes~~
I’ve had braces
I have braces
I change my hair color often
I straighten my hair often
My ears are pierced
I have small feet

Relationships
I’m in a relationship now (kind of)
I’m single
I’m crushin’
I’ve missed an ex before
I’m always scared of being hurt
An ex has physically abused me at least once
I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t
I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did
I’ve had sex
I’ve had sex when single
I’ve been in love more than two times
I believe in love at first sight
I believe lust is more important than love

Friendships
I have a best friend
I have at least ten friends
I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend
I’ve beaten up a friend
I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend
I can trust at least five people with my life

Music
I listen to country
I listen to pop
I listen to techno
I listen to rock
I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it
I hate the radio
I download music
I buy CD’s

Family Life
I get along with both of my parents
My biological parents are still together
I have at least one brother
I have at least one sister :(
I have at least one step brother/sister
I have at least one half brother/sister
I’ve been kicked out of the house
I’ve ran away from my home
I’ve sworn at my parents
I’ve made my parents cry
I’ve lied to my parents
I’ve lied to my parents about where I am
I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing
I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out
I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded

Hair
I’ve cut my hair in the past year
I’ve dyed my hair in the past year
I’ve been blonde
I’ve had black (have always had black hair)
I’ve been red
I’ve been light brown
I’ve been medium brown
I’ve been brown
I’ve had streaks
I’ve had purple/pink
I’ve been blue/green
I’ve gotten my hair thinned
I use conditioner
I’ve used silk therapy
I’ve used hot oil treatments
I’ve curled my hair
I’ve straightened my hair
I’ve braided my hair
I’ve had\want dreadlocks

School
I’ve thrown something at a teacher
I’ve yelled at a teacher
I’ve been suspended
I’ve had an in-school suspension
I’ve been sent to the principal’s office
I’ve walked out of class
I’ve skipped an entire day of school
I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class
I’ve failed a test
I’ve cheated on a test
I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test
I’ve failed Art
I’ve failed P.E
I’ve failed Math
I’ve failed Science
I’ve failed another class

...not very proud of myself.

i need a happy meal

2011-11-29T21:16:00.003+08:00

Ryo is the one that taught us this, Alpha Falcon. Cool guy.

went to watch Puss In Boots with my mama and adik today. While queueing up for the tickets suddenly i felt real woozy and my vision blurred and i felt like puking. Good thing my mama was there if not i wouldnt know what i'd do. Note to self; dont skip meals especially when you're feeling unwell.

Wore my vikings tee and i met a fellow viking ^^

speaking of vikings, we'll be having a mass dinner at ngee ann's makan place this thursday night which sounds awesome. And we'll have another outing to sentosa this sunday. I reaaaaaally wanna go but sadly, seems like no one i'm close to can go.. sad. nana and the others will be going out tomorrow for lunch and i wanna go too but i'm sick and i dont have money to spare anyways. fucking sucks.

nowadays i only feel these few emotions- happy, excited, anger, irritated, bored. but mostly just irritated and bored. because of being sick. because of not having money. because of everything.

why do i make promises i dont wanna keep? bloody idiot.

KAMATE KAMATE KAORA.

2011-11-27T16:31:00.006+08:00

SOURSOP.

ok hi. have been uber busy this whole week, going out everyday and getting home late and having to wake up early the next day- totally killing me!!! so exhausting. but worth it cause this week has been freakin awesome.

MONDAY
went out for... erm. oh yes, shooting chalet. met Rayne and we went off. was a tad bit boring at first but things got better as the bbq started. helping out with the barbecueing is always fun ^^ then a group of us played a forfeit game! ahahaha, i got them to hop around the room and also take satay for me ehehe. but i was also made to plank and stand outside the chalet and shout stuff like iloveshootingclub and stuff like that hahaha. embarrassing but fun. went back with Rayne, he's great company. i like to make fun of him wahaha. went home and talked on the phone with hazzry till 2am. should have known better cause the nextday for redcamp, i looked like a damn zombie.

REDCAMP.
the three days were supadupa awesome, the best camp i've ever been to. met a whole bunch of friends ^^ who would have known getting left behind after going to the toilet would lead to making such great people? all thanks to Zah! after getting left behind, we joined some random group and hopped on the bus with them and when we got off, she recognised some guys from our original group and ran over to join the group and walah, we made friends with them! awesome bowen peeps ^^ oh and also, bedoksouth guys toooo! Zah got all their numbers and started texting them, not bad aye. i was only spazzing over one person the whole time. Nana knows who. hehehehe... :>

and did i mention that the cheers are still stuck in my head?
WHO YOU WANNA BE AH, APACHE AH.
NINJAS POWERPOWER.
BOOM VIKINGS KICK YOUR ASS.
WE ARE THE SPARTANS, YEAH. SHABOOYAH.
CENTURIANS GONNA HYPE IT UP.

aww, miss them already!

FRIDAY.
sentosa with Manisha, Natasha, Sherilyn, Fatin and Puteri. when we reached there, me and Sherilyn were busy building sandtoilets (lol) while the rest camwhored and stalked people HAHA. it was boring yet fun ^^

nah, your i-just-woke-up photo.

SATURDAY.
Sufia's birthday party. met hazzry earlier to make her bday card and help decorate the rooms she booked at cathay cineleisure. played xbox360 and wii and all those stuff. had pizza and cake too! yumyum. the dance games are fun but harddddd. i cant keep up with what the dancer on the screen is doing hahaha.

then today stay home lepak wooyaye~ kinda feeling unwell though, flu and major sorethroat. totally forgot to eat my medicine yesterday night.
speaking of yesterday night! ehehehehehe. :3

ok, gotta find job soon cause i'm running out of cash. which is sad. cause i wanna shop. my mama says she's gonna try to see if she can get me one at her office. hope there's an opening cause i lazy to find and go for interview hahaha. if not then i'll go out find luh. if cannot find, i'll do volunteer work :)

alright so thats all?
WAIT. MY PHOTO WITH MR CHIN.

i look ew but still. OUHYEAH. (do it like the ohshivermetimbers cheer)
to me in this photo we look like we're related! somehow.

HAHAHAHA k bye.

buck up sissy pants.

2011-11-18T17:54:00.005+08:00

spent wednesday with Hazzry <3

Thursday was graduation night, and it was great! The food, the games, the dancing, all the awesome people! Everyone looked freaking gorgeous. Loved everything about the night except for my dress and my hair lulz. I looked so ew. But anyways, it was really an awesome night. Danced like never before hahaha k embarrassing.

I have shooting chalet but i dont feel like going cause i never do fit in anyway plus Rayne's not going so nah. To me he's just about the only person i feel comfortable around in the club (there are other people too but we're not as close) so yeah. Anyway its so leceh and.. As usual i cant be bothered.

Nana just told me that many of our friends decided not to go for redcamp, which is a major bummer. Kinda felt like not going so i told Zah. She called me and gave me an earful so yup, i'm going hahaha. I'm just hoping Nana will go tooooooo!!

Havent been up to much since there's kinda not much to do. Well actually there's lots to do, i'm just lazy hehe. K gotta get rid of the laziness or else people will start barking at me hahah. Elvin and Hazzry said they'll spend more time with me yaye!
I NEED A JOB PLEASE.

I dont really know whats up with the title, i just heard it being said on Big Bang Theory haha.
Alright bye :)

2011-11-15T21:07:00.002+08:00

What i do with my money is up to me. I know you're the one who initially provided me with it, but since it was given to me, its my money isnt it? Not yours. Even if i 'waste' it, what does it have to do with you?
If you've got nothing nice to say, dont say anything.

bitch, please.

2011-11-14T22:03:00.003+08:00

Hihi. Just feel like being a bitch today, and so i shall do what bitches do best.

Why does the computer have a bloody password? You know how irrittating it is when the computer's finally free from my brothers and i switch it on only to find out i need a password? I have to use the phone to access internet and its so inconvenient not to mention my mama confiscated every phone that can acess internet and i need to wait till she's home before i can use it. All my adik's fault.

Why are o levels over? I was just getting into studying more and suddenly, bam. I'm not in school anymore, there's no need to study anymore. Before this when i malas belajar takde mcm gitu pulak.

Periods are seriously a pain. Literally. And the pimples and all those other annoying stuff that come along with it, -'-

I want a job. So i can get money, so i can shopshopshop. And of course also have money for when i wanna go out. Stay home too much so boring, no life gitu. But i dont want the job to be ulrgh please.

My brothers can be so irritating. Satu hari tak kacau tak boleh ke? Seriously.

THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE MOVIES AND EPISODES FOR ME TO WATCH.

Why cant i have a cat.
Why do i miss you so bad.
Why is graduation night coming so soon.
Why didnt i study properly for my o levels.
Why is my hair growing so slow.
Why is my hair falling.
Why do my friends have to move abroad.
Why am i not always sleeping well at night.
Why dont i have more money.
Why do people always think i'd be happy that the o levels are over.
Why dont i see you as often as i want to.
Why am i somewhat antisocial.
Why dont i have a twitter account yet.
Why do people like to ignore me.
Why must there be construction just outside my room.
Why do i tend to end questions with a fullstop.
Why am i purposely finding things to complain about.
Why am i still here.

Bye.

do you really wanna know what's next?

2011-11-12T21:48:00.003+08:00

I WANT THIS.

I went shopping with my mama today, like finally. We hardly ever spend time together. So of course, happygal123 ^^

And hey, finally got some gifts for someeeee of the people i have yet to give birthday presents to so thats exciting hehe. Finally bought all the stuff i need for graduation night so now i'm feeling more excited about it though i'm still feeling lazy for it heh.

Been over two weeks since i last spent time with that pig Hazzry. Seems so long.

I should really start revising more for my last paper. Tomorrow chiong both tys and maybe half of each stack of biology and chemistry. Hope i can finish everything.

Take care sexy bitches ;)

fool like me

2011-11-11T07:45:00.002+08:00

Wish i had more Vampire Diaries episodes! But dont have. K takpe, i will wait patiently till they are available.

Hello there, and goodmorning :) or afternoon or night or whatever the time of the day it is that you're reading this (if i do have readers). Woke up early to go running today. Just finished eating so i'm just waiting for food to settle down within me. Then i'll run like mad, but doubt i'll be able to cover much since its been months since i last exercise. I feel kinda guilty about it coz i love running and i have neglected it for so long. Is it weird to feel guilty about this? Plus i have been eating nonstop too. So yeah, quite unhappy with how i've been treating my body. Later my dress tight how? I go cry sorang-sorang forever.
Haha k, i sound like those image-obsessed bimbos. I just wanna stay healthy lah basically.

Today after i run i think i'll catch an hour's worth of sleep then do some science papers and watch You, Me and Dupree afterwards! Hehehe. Just hope i'll stick to this today cause i usually plan stuff to do but hardly ever follow it, at all. I'm more of an impromptu kind of person. Whatever i suddenly feel like doing i just do and i'll ignore plans even if i've made any. Its a bad habit, i know. Just like my laziness, i'm trying to stop it lah k. I wanna be a better person and no, this will not be shortlived unlike everything else i've ever done.

K my posts are boring. Hope i'm able to grab hold of the computer soon but probably not since my brothers are at home. I think being able to use the phone good enough lah hor. Sorry for the spelling errors.

Gotta run. Hehe bye :>

tears stream down your face.

2011-11-10T21:52:00.006+08:00

That guy up there, he's pretty much tattooed from head to toe. I like.

Hi. I noticed rhat my previous posts has been rather sad, negative. Stuff on the down side generally. Kinda thought about how depressing they sound. Aha k, since now i only have one paper left i'll make more effort to blog and whatnot.

Right, so. Malay paper just now. For paper 2 i accidently left six fucking marks blank cause i didnt notice three questions on the last page. Padahal in the question booklet while i was reading the questions, i did notice those three questions. Like my mind just blanked them out. I had 15 minutes to spare and checked the paper and i still didnt notice that last page. How fucking stupid can i get? Very. I had a similar problem when i did the midyear o's too but that time i realised. So i fucked up. K bagus.

Went to makan texas chicken with Zah afterwards, and walked around causeway point a gazillion times while carrying that kamus dewan in our bags. What geniuses. But takpe, i take it as exercise. Been eating nonstop since i started studying for o's (which kinda sounds like a joke) and i feel guilty. Wanna go running tomorrow. Run till i cant go further. Maybe that is exactly what i have been needing.

While i was doing nothing but thinking just now, i got no idea why i suddenly thought i could possibly be a mother soon LOL. Aha k, now i remember why. Because yesterday i had this bad feeling about doing my malay paper, and i was panicking plus feeling sad and unprepared and shit, just basically knowing that i would screw it up. Then today, i did. So what does this have to do with being a mama? Cause usually whatever mamas say or feel usually come true. I've found that out by personal experience with my mama multiple times and thats why i wont go against my mama's wishes most of the time. That and cause basically my mama rarely is unreasonable so its not hard to follow whatever she says. Ok back to point. Yeah so just cause i was right this one time the thought crossed my mind that i might be a mother. Dont know in what way that makes sense but yeah.

Well, i do have children you know. My Nana family :) i have 4 children, two of which i never even knew i had until they suddenly appeared - Puteri, Fatin, Natasha and Santhiya. I shall write abit about each of them :3

So, Puteri. This one i never knew i had. But she's awesome! Though i've only got to know her recently, we get along really well. She's the kind of bitch i love hahaha. Seriously. She's so fun to be with and she's the kind of person you can talk to about absolutely anything.

Fatin? Nah, we call her Kak Siti hehe. Another one i never knew i had. Appeared out if the blue like a kangaroo on Orchard Road. She's really nice and yeah, course i like her, she's half pakistani! Major cool. Also just got to know her more recently. Kinda awkward between us, but i guess its just cause we dont have much to talk about yet. Maybe? Duno hehe.

The next one is the most irritating. Always so sarcastic to me and being mean to me. Setiap kali ade jer alasan padahal malas hahah. Super lazyass, just like me. Flirting nonstop. Forever sprouting nonsense. Thats why i love her! Ehehehe. Like she says, we live and breathe nonsense. She's one of those few people i turn to when i feel like i cant handle it alone, whatever 'it' maybe. And though i know i'm such a bother by constantly bombing her with my fears, insecurities, problems and especially when i'm itching to bitch. She'll always try to calm me down and make me realise its all in my head, which is pretty much true all the time. In such few words she can make me feel better. Thankyou so much Nana, and you know that i love you. Mama so sweet kan? Of course ah.

The last one is the smallest one, my two of a kind. We're so similar yet different in so many ways. Usually we have the same thoughts and opinions, but her's will be peppered with much more evilness hahah. Forever staring blankly into blankspace and scaring everyone by doing that. Aha, ok she's just really nice and evil and blur and awesome. She is my two of a kind after all, how can i not love this little one?

And! Since its Arina's birthday, i shall write about her toooooo ^^ hehe. If you're reading this; hi Arina, happy birthday!!!!!! Welcome to being older (lol)! Doesnt feel much differenr does it? If it does then yayeeeee, you're feeling old aint that wonderful? :D haha k nenek full of nonsense. Heard you're moving away? Please take care ok! If got any weird guy come up to you, i trust that Natasha has taught you well, which i hope is not flirt with the guy. Tapi i know you're nit like her kan? You have more common sense while hers was lost eons ago and never found hehe. Will miss ya and dont forget the Nana family back in Singapore! Its fun when the both of us bully your illegal mum ;) hehe.

Ok dah, malas nak tambah lagi in this post. Typing it out by phone takes i longggggg time and i am a lazy person. Got quite a few things i've set myself to do and i'm really hoping i'll be able to do all of them. If there has been any typo in this post, sorry lah k laut mana yang tidak berombak, bumi mana yang tidak ditimpa oleh hujan.

Wookay bye.

uncertainty

2011-11-09T12:22:00.002+08:00

Hi. So many uncertainties wondering around in my head. But I do know, melted marshmallows are nice. Real nice. Yeah thats all I wanted to say. Ohwait, and Happy Birthday to Lucretia ^^ baby's finally 16 hehe. And I don't think I will do that well for geography, probably just a B. Was hoping I would at least have geography as my only A but nah, not after the crap I wrote again today.

Ok so now this is all.
Bye.

i need some intervention

2011-11-05T19:05:00.004+08:00

its her 20th birthday today :) i adore her.

Hi. Havent really done much of blogging cause well, i guess i've nothin much to say. And if i do, those few words are enough to sum up what i feel or what i want to say. Never been much of a vocal person, not even online or whatever. Always have preferred dealing with things alone and not sharing. Dont know, just dont wanna be a burden. People always find others, even their friends, to be troublesome when they've got things weighing on their minds, and just say whatever they think that their friends want to hear like, its gonna be okay or cheer up and shit that isnt even sincere. Just using those same few lines they always do. But most of the time, its cause i find it hard to open up. Always have. Dont really know why, but i just do. I'd rather talk to myself than to people who pretend that they care. I'd also spare myself from the judging thoughts of others.

Ok just some thoughts, never meant to provoke or aim anyone.

Ahah, you know what else? Betcha dont. Or maybe you do. But probably dont. Well anyways. I feel like a stalker sometimes. Cause when i get bored i read people's blogs, go to their twitter, stuff like that. Hahaha duno lah why, its just interesting. I have just always liked knowing more about people, their feelings, their thoughts, how they react to situations. Stuff like that. Like maybe knowing more about them, i'll also get to learn about myself. Thats why i wanna study psychology. I have this strong want of knowing more about people, stuff that goes on in their head. How and why they are the way they are. The reason behind the things they do, the way they feel. Kinda think getting into psychology is just a pipe dream though, wih how i did majority of my o level examinations. Thinking that i wanna go to a jc if i can, but dont think i'll score well enough. But its alright, keep positive and look forward.

Well, so I've laid out some thoughts of mine. Still plenty of things i'd like to blabber on about but nah. Thats enough for now. Olevels are gonna be over soon followed by graduation night and that long break. Kinda not looking forward to graduation night cause its such a hassle to prepare for. Spending all that time and money, quite irritating yknow. Taoi takpe, it'll be fun for sure :)

Ok i should study. Four more papers left.
Bye.

2011-10-28T20:18:00.001+08:00

All the what ifs.

Stupid insecurities, go away.

too blind to see tomorrow

2011-10-26T21:24:00.003+08:00

i dont want either. i'm afraid.

all you have is right now,

2011-10-21T19:35:00.006+08:00

Its quite impossible to not get hooked on Vampire Diaries.

Graduating ceremony; had so much fun spamming photos with everyone, though i wish i had taken more. all the class videos and the awesome flashmob, everything. i'll miss every one of you, i swear. how i wish i could replay my 4 years in ahmad ibrahim secondary school. these 4 years i'll never forget.
thank you everyone ♥

English o levels down, emaths up next. Still many doubts but i will do my best. Trying not to worry coz it wont bring me any good. Gotta chillax and calm down. It'll be fine.

I just wanna be able to spend more time with everyone.

2011-10-17T22:07:00.000+08:00

I dont want you to leave. I need time, and i need a camera.

forget me not, forget me now

2011-10-13T15:27:00.003+08:00

I used to love watching this on Channel 5 when i was younger. I remember it would be on while the family has dinner in our previous home. But i think if i were to watch this now id be afraid hahaha. Even watching vampire diaries scares me so yeah, something obviously went amiss along the way. I think they call it change. I wanna say grow up but i dont think being afraid of what you used to enjoy is considered growth. More like the opposite.
If Aisyah back in primary school met Aisyah of the present, she probably wouldnt believe thats her. That i am me. Somehow.

Anyways. Science practical in a week. O levels in two. Why cant i seem to get myself to study? Damnation. Gotta focus.
Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Hahaha. K bye!

2011-10-10T21:14:00.003+08:00

I wake up every morning and thank God, reminding myself of how blessed i am.

2011-10-09T17:44:00.002+08:00

Pretty much, and a whole lot more.
No?

weightless

2011-10-02T13:18:00.010+08:00

Still cant blog on the computer or any laptop whatsoever.. But its alright, ive got my brother 's phone hee.

So... 16 days to o levels and ive yet to complete my revision. I still have so many things i dont know and is unsure of :/ k gotta clear all my doubts very soon.

Many things have happened over the weeks but im lazy to list em down. You wouldnt really be interested anyway right?
Thought so.

Well, ive gotten the dress im gonna wear for graduation night. So broke after paying for the ticket and dress and whatnot. There's still so many things to spend on like altering the dress and goodness knows what else. Me iz sad :( plus since the camera is spoilt, i wanna get a new one hopefully before graduation night, but that just seems so impossible. Sigh.

And why is my attention span and ability to focus so short? I keep getting distracted from studying. Only do work for an hour, the rest of the time spent fiddling with anything i can find cause ive gotten bored and restless. I have never understood why restless is called restless. Shouldnt restless mean something like you dont have enough rest, so youre tired? Like how careless means youre not careful enough.
I dont know, just something ive always wondered.

I also wonder why im so afraid of lightning and when it started. I know i wasnt always scared of lightning and i cant remember why im afraid of it now. Im afraid of many things apparently. I find myself to be weak. I dont like that, not one bit. I wish i was stronger. Not always scared and paranoid and overthinking and too sensitive.
Im working on that.

Hahah ok this post seems to be so, i dont really know how to describe but yeah, somehow reflective and unhappy sounding.
I wanna post photos tapi leceh ah hehe.
Ahah ok then. Imma end here. Btw that guy up there is so darn cute heehee i like :>

Oh and Blobay is a man lady! According to Nana hehehe.

Hahaha k bye :)

read me.

2011-09-24T16:19:00.011+08:00

hi, this is my boyfriend.

He is this short dude who's supa random and loves to dance. He's weird too, but i like that.

Or at least its real when i've drifted from reality. I like to dream.

I really do believe so.

I like hugs. They are one of the best things to give and receive.

I like travelling too, and i wanna discover who i really am.

I have also always wished i had a twin. I've literally dreamt about it too.

Cats are the object of my adoration.

And laughing is what i like to do.

Most may never guess, but i think tattoos are gorgeous.

But actually having one can be nothing but part of a fantasy.

Another thing you might not know is,

i think you are absolutely lovely. Its true you know.

You look amazing when you smile.

And do remember,

i love you.

talking in circles

2011-09-16T20:06:00.007+08:00

my prelim results are horrible as ever :/ nothing much to say.

i love my nana, she's so cute and nice and funny and awesome and fun. nana, dont kembang hahaha.

ok me iz bored. random stuff.
they may mean nothing to you, but they mean something to me.

aha ok all those stuff up there is so emo so here's one for ya.

HOLY SHIAT CANT WAIT.

nyehehe bye ^^

like its her birthday

2011-09-06T20:27:00.008+08:00

hellu! ok feels like its been damn long since i've updated. sorry, its just that i've been restricted off the computer and whatever and apparently even my phone's in on it too! i cant access blogger through my phone anymore :'( but its all good, i got hold of my papa's laptop! heeeee.

right, so.

Bulan Syawal is here! meaning hari raya :D tapi kan, so far i've only been out for raya 3 times in total; first day, ngan my friends and with my cousins and nephews. sedih ah, my family malas nk jalan. pemalas, mcm Aisyah jugak! so maybe it runs in da blood. hmmm.

first day

So many pretty ladies, take your pick ;)

Why Amirul so tall?!

If like Afiq kan better, same height as me! hehe.

All them guys sittin like ladies.

teehee ^^

Had so much fun that day, especially at night when the guys were scaring people! Epic and fun, kan Natasha? heehee. Malas nak elaborate on that day, just know that it was awesome ttm. Would've been better if Hazzry and Izzuddin didnt leave so soon though.

my adik and nephew!

studied with these two monkeys today. How dare you say i look like her, injure the cute pink monkey then slap me? Eat raisins everyday bitch! hahaha.

Hmm seems like i've got nothing much to post about. Ok have lah tapi i dont want to hehe. Gonna help Lucretia for her art photoshoot tomorrow! Mr Yong's gonna be my brother wahaha.
"Be a bitchy slut." K thanks Lucretia, thanks alot hahaha.

hehe ok bye, till next time!

7 weeks to O levels.

swagger jagger

2011-08-23T20:04:00.003+08:00

My lovely oinklets, constantly laughing about everything, anything and sometimes absolutely nothing <3

I wont be updating much since my phone's internet sot and the computer's locked. So yeah. Gotta study hard! (always all talk no action urgh)

Listen to Parachute's Forever And Always! c:
Love you awesome people, byeeee!
This was supposed to be posted long ago oooooops.

2011-08-13T13:22:00.003+08:00

because you're all

then he goes

which makes you

Hehehe okay i'm just really bored obviously. Its just that i dont really have anything to blog about, so i just post GIFs. So why dont i get a tumblr? Just, nah. I think tumblr is awesome though hehe.

Anyways. I've kinda been just crying alot lately, goodness knows why. Ok i know why, but still. Stupid Aisyah, why the hell are you so sensitive. But good thing i'm temperamental, my moods swing from one to another just like Tarzan chasing after a gorilla that kidnaps Jane. Never down for too long. Or angry, or anything for that matter. And the littlest things amuse me and keep me happy for the longest time, even i dont know why. But i like it that way :)

still bored...

I do this alot. The word weird is weird.

My brother. Legendary.

They are adorable :3

nyehehe i should sooooo be studying now.
right so, bye! ^^

2011-08-10T15:36:00.002+08:00

You should date a girl who reads.

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

- Rosemarie Urquico

this.

three cheers

2011-08-09T20:33:00.003+08:00

Happy 46th Birthday Singapore!

Do you know that there's only 10 weeks left to O Levels? Yeah, that means like approximately slightly more than one week for me to revise each subject. Though 4 of them are only halves, still.

Ok, imma hardcore study. I really dont wanna regret.
I want to do well.

put your troubles aside, start livin'

2011-08-08T16:53:00.003+08:00

I've been thinking negative so much lately that i've forgotten to look on the brightside. Oh Mr Brightside, i'm so sorry. I shall neglect you no more :>

This year's national day celebration was fun, not as crazy as last year's though. I guess the school just lacks hyper people. Singing and jumping and cheering, but not screaming coz my thoat hurts (which saddens me), with Natasha and everyone was so much fun hehehe. The sec 4E side of the hall kept doing our own kallang waves hahah.

Anyway, somehow i just feel lazy to do work or revise even though i know i should, but nevermind for now since i'm not feeling well anyways. Hehe k sounds like i'm just finding anything to be made use as an excuse not to study. But really, i was feeling so unwell yesterday. Good thing i felt better today morning yayee.

Spending the afternoon on Zawiah's present, its really simple but nice and i hope she likes it. I dont know why but i feel that i alwaysssssss have to make or do something for a friend's birthday. Not only just buy an item, wrap it and give it. Somehow to me that has close to no meaning, no sincerity. Like you just gave it for the sake of giving. At least if you made an effort to do a small something, or better yet make the whole present yourself, doesnt it have more meaning when you give it to the person? Like you bothered to take the time and effort just to make a something special for that friend. I mean it doesnt have to be much, maybe just a simple card or whatnot. But anyway, just my opinion. Personally i love making things for my friends, it just makes me happy somehow :)

hehe k more random gifs and stuff again!

THIS.

I SHOULD DO THIS AT SAHUR.

HAHAHA yeah man, why?

i likeee.

Ah, i miss watching Big Bang Theory.

And HIMYM toooo!

heehee.

its kind of a funny story

2011-08-05T17:32:00.005+08:00

haha hi.

paper after paper, it seems like they're all the same to me.
oh but going to Shahirah's house to watch a movie today was fun ^^

i dont seem to have anything to post about so here are some random stuff!

its a nice cute movie about this depressed boy, you should watch it :>

dont we all?

heehee too cute, you win you win.

i wanna try this out!

hehe yesyes, i went abit gif mad, sorray. just one last thing!

ok you're bored, i know.
goodbye!

more of a friend than a silly pup, my cup

2011-08-01T19:00:00.003+08:00

I got you in the palm of my hand
Wanna put something hot in you
So hot that you cant stand (And you cant stand)

Gonna take you to my lips
Empty out every last drop
So thristy for whats in you baby
That i cant stop (that i cant stop)

In the middle of the night I'm in bed alone
Dont care if you're glass paper styrofoam
When i need some water baby, coffee or gin
You're the only thing i wanna put them in

HAHAHA coz i'm so bored.

Oh, Happy Birthday Azfar! ^^

Today's emaths paper was quite alright actually, Mr Yong said he set it easy and i agree. And i'm not exactly great at emaths, always fail. But i left a whole 12mark question blank though, that bearings question. Darn.

Anyway, yay yay dah bulan puase! Why am i so happy? Entahlah.
But it can take its own sweet time while its here because i need time to study study study. Prelims + puase = ALOTTTT of free time after papers. Hooooray.

Alah tapi esok amaths prelims, nanti single digit lagi..

K lah Maghrib soon,
Goodbye!

baby blue eyes

2011-07-29T16:31:00.008+08:00

OK FAVOURITE SCENE OF VAMPIRE DIARIES.
how i wish i was her :3

Natasha now says i have a different kind of PBS; post birthday syndrome HAHAHA macam-macam jer eh.
But yes i'm just sooooo happy lah hehehe.

Ok i think i can type thankyou in my sleep already seriously. I finally went to facebook after 2 months and mak oi! Punyer banyak happybirthdays and whatnot, hahahahaha! Happy life lah Aisyah, happy life. Now i'm like spamming the news feed with my too many thankyou replies wahahahah.

Oh and english prelims today were.... alah fail lah. My compo was just one page face long. And the thing is i left lines! BALADIHELL I COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING TO WRITE. k this time i think i've found a time to use what Hazzry taught me.
GG LA.

HUGS ARE AWESOME.

A few random facts i remember from when i read them in Natasha's phone:
Kissing for a minute burns 2.6 calories.
Strawberry isnt an actual berry but a banana is!
Cats sleep 16 hours a day.
More people commit suicide on Monday than any other day of the week.
"Goodbye" came from "God bye" which came from "God be with you."
Elephants can die due to a broken heart.

haha k i lazy to write anymore.
imma end here.

#17: i love when people play guitar for me ♥

Goodbye!

no words can describe

2011-07-28T22:34:00.002+08:00

BEST BIRTHDAY EVAH.

Thank you for every wish, gift, card, handshake, hug, surprise, smile, everything, from everyone. To those people who made it extra special, i love each and every one of you! And i mean it, from the bottom of my heart (i just have to say it even though i know most dont read my blog).
I love today so much!

I feel so blessed :)

they all think that we're crazy, i tell them they're right

2011-07-27T21:41:00.003+08:00

#17: I LOVE CATS.

Natasha is positive i have PBS, pre-birthday syndrome. And guess what? She made that thingy up herself, lawl. Well Natasha, maybe you have SAB, super awesome brain, no?
Neh, i didnt think so either.

HEHEHE ok i'm just kidding. Stop giving that duck face hor.
Alright sorry lah later i read for you a few extra love poems k? K. Heehee.

Haha k i'm pretty much just talking to myself. But whatever i wrote was right, kan Natasha? Confirm she made that duck face. hehehehe.

Oh, ah i better move my happiness else where, like homework.
Happy days are the best days to do homework kan Blobay? Hehe.

Yayeeeee bye!

Count your blessings

2011-07-26T21:45:00.004+08:00

Be thankful for every thing, no matter how small.

future history

2011-07-23T16:52:00.009+08:00

Racial Harmony Celebration was awesome as i expected. I went to school at 6.30 to get ready for the day cause i'm kiasu as ever. Hehe no lah. Coz Santhiya asked me to. In the end everyone else only came at 6.45, made me wait all alone baladihell.

Taken before assembly. My shoe's whole sole came off from the top part while i was running to the hall cause i was gonna be late, and it was left there. Had to run back after i realised it was gone, lol. Fail much, so embarrassing. Macam Malay Cinderella in Half-saree gitu. I spent the rest of the day without shoes on.

I'm lazy to write what happened the rest of the day so here's piczzzzzzz.

My sexay Natasha.

Two of a kind! i like this photo lotslots.

Fatin looks gorgeous in my cheongsam, yayness!

She looks like some Mother Theresa figure dont you think? hehehe so cool lah.

Minah and Meenachi, amaciam?
My hair looks so anyhow lah here.

Fangirling over this Bollywood star before getting a photo with him. hehehehe as if real ah.

The whole day as freaaaaaking fun, read what happened after school on Natasha's blog! heeheee.
Seriously, go read.

Half-sarees are so cool. And surprisingly nice to wear. Abit mafan though but i dont mind. I wanna go get one! And awesome that i could fit Santhiya's. She's teeny!

AND TODAY'S HANDBALL INTERCLASS GAMES OMG.

E1 and E2 girls were a combined team cause we didnt have enough people who wanted to play, so yeah. Though i didnt play cause i'm fasting, i went to support! Shout and scream like i always do hahahah. Eh, but i was the only supporter for my team. Everyone else never come down support. Tsk.

Oh and did i mention we won?

HELL FREAKING YEAH.

But actually it was by luck. Cause during the finals, 2Ne1 (they came up with the name, Fatin's a fan anyway hehe) and E5 didnt score at all. Fiona and Shahira were equally both awesomettm goalkeepers lah seriously, they catch the throws as if they were passes, no kick. End game and penalty after penalty, still no scores. Mr Cheak announced that they would have to flip a coin if really still no one scored. So yeah there was an uproar. But anywayyyyy, yeah we won! Everyone was shouting sceaming hugging like never before LOL. It was a tough game, a good game :)

For the guys team, i think we got 3rd? Lost in the semifinals against E3. Even though there were some minor disputes, all the guys were fantastic during the games!

Everyone did an awesome job :))))))
HANDBALL IS SO EXCITING.

True Story. Dont you worry about me Spiderman :)

Be my superhero

2011-07-17T17:50:00.002+08:00

You and me baby. This is so cute.

Tomorrow is Racial Harmony Day celebrations, one of my favourites. And you know what this means. Imma be spamming photos with everyone! Hehehehe cant wait cant wait.

Thank goodness for the invention of cameras!

But we have PE tomorrow too, so we'll have to change back and forth. So mafan. But i dont mind, i like touch rugby! I'm always screaming like an idiot when i'm chasing the other team HAHAHA. This is what you call semangat. Haha k mcm phm.

Oh and interclass games next week, handball! Magawd. I'm kinda scared when it comes to handball cause the ball is hard and sometimes people's aiming may go haywire, just like me! My aiming always anyhow one. I remember when we were playing handball for PE and so many times, maybe toooo many, there were incidents or collisions or hitting people or whatever, and usually i'd be involved. Always landing on the floor. Aisyah so violent, hahahah. Kalau tak violent tak best lah kan. Heh.

Mother Tongue Listening Compre on Tuesday too! Holy mama, all the best to you dear people. Jangan tertidur setengah jalan sudah.

Look at this photo, some of the many hawties of Vampire Diaries. Natasha told me they were arrested for this photo. Hahah why wouldnt they be anyway. Even though they're dressed decent there's just something about it thats so wrong, kankan? Yeah i know what you're thinking. Dirty minds, tsk. HAHA k no, we're all innocent angels lah kan.
AS IF.

Hehe alright i cant seem to get anything done today except to eat. Serious shit, i aint kidding or exaggerating. And i have soooooooo much homework, i havent even started. I'm so screwed. Oh well.

Byeeee!

400th

2011-07-16T22:47:00.003+08:00

Hi.
I feel so fucking stupid, i wanna shoot myself in the head with an imaginary gun that is my index finger and thumb. You shall find out why shortly, hang in there.

So as the title suggests, this is my 400th post. Well actually its my 401st posted post (there are manymany posts which arent posted due to being incomplete / you dont need to read / i decided to delete) because stupidly, i didnt notice as i blogged my last post because apparently it was 1plus am in the morning and yeah, i was mad. So i deleted one of my many other stupid posts and tadaaaaaa, this is now my 400th!

I'm so lame.

And i shall continue being lame and let you know some stuff about me and my aslovelyasyouthinkitiswhichisprettydarnlovely blog.

Hell. Freaking. Yeah.
These are 2 things which many might not know but is totally true. Since you're here at my blog you obviously know the first one, so remember the second one and give me food, it'll be much appreciated and my tummy will thank you.

Also, i've had this blog for 4 years, since 2007. Primary 6. Yup, its been a place of capture for a lot of memories over the years- both good and bad. But i dont like looking into the past, its called the past for a reason. Yes i'm young, but there was a period of time when i was a mess, which i never wish to revisit. Its alright to look back and visit memories every now and then, but not dwell on them or whatever, no matter if they were good memories or bad. Isnt it better to just look forward instead? Thats why i've removed my archives. I dont really like people poking into my business anyway. So archives are unnecessary to me.

And because i havent blogged in a while....

Haha so adorable back then, and take a look at me now. Not so adorable anymore huh.

And this last one, i sooo agree.

I dont get how people hate, or how they can say they hate something so easily. I'm pretty much incapable of hate, i seriously really really think so. Whenever i'm in disfavour of something i just pretty much dislike it and thats all, i've never felt so much strong negative feelings for anything. Ok maybe except once, that thingy i was talking about before but even thats of no more. How can you ever say you've lived a happy life knowing that you've lived with hatred in your heart? I dont think its posssible. Whats even worse is people saying they hate their life just because of a small misfortune along the way. I'm pretty sure that their lives are wonderful, they just let this small negativity rule over all the great things they have coming for them. So Natasha, dont be silly. You dont hate your life.
Stop hating and spread the love~

Ok so i've pretty much rambled on a wholeeeeeee bunch of nonsense that you probably dont care about but hey, whatever lah eh. Hahahah k i'm so irritating. Nyahaha bai!

Jetlag

2011-07-10T01:15:00.002+08:00

"And its driving me mad, I miss you so bad."

CHAN MALI CHAN.

2011-07-09T15:13:00.005+08:00

My boyfriend looks like a freaking Power Ranger here, how awesome. HAHA ok who am i kidding, boyfriend? Dream onnnn.

Nightstudy in school last night wasn't really productive. How could it be if Santhiya, Manisha and Shahirah were there laughing all the way? Hehehe they're so cute lah. Even though sometimes i have absolutely no idea whats going on with them, lol. Too blur liao.

Realized that my blog and blogposts are sooooo boring. I keep yapping nonstop about stupid stuff, like what i'm doing right now. Its not even interesting, unlike in Natasha's blog. I'm always laughing and smiling to myself like an idiot when i read her blog. She's too epic. And STUNNINGGGG. Hehehe. Siewmai songs are the best, with Chan at Wendy's!!!! Weeeeeee, HEHEHEHEHEHE :>

Oooh and my parents are overseas for the weekend, partying partying yeah! Nyehehehe as if. I'm such a good girl.

Ok i have to learn to focus, stop being distracted by everything!

#16: I wish Phineas and Ferb were my brothers. Then i'd be like, wooooooyeah every day of my life stuck in summer vacation, lawl.

Stereo Hearts

2011-07-06T17:16:00.009+08:00

Helping Lucretia by being in her O Level Art photographs is so much fun. Wednesday after school and yesterday recess and 2 free periods coz Ms Dianah never come. The teacher cool guy, let me and Sherilyn and Lucretia leave and come back to class as we pleased hahah. Went to the staircase area and the benches and the toilet to take photos.

When i was supposed to be happy, i looked sad. When i was supposed to be sad, i couldnt stop smiling. When i was supposed to be crying, i kept laughing. And when i was supposed to look distraught and messy, my hair seemed to be anything but. No matter how much i tried to mess it up like shit. I was even head-banging and whipping my hair to make it messy. Still looked normal LOL. My hair perangai.

But the photos were niceeeeeeee. Lucretia's got skills!

Yesterday after school today went to Wendy's with Natasha Manisha and Santhiya. So bad lah they, they dont let me see the hawt guy working at the counter! They didnt even let me leave the table hahah. But nevermind, you guys said that he seemed to look scared by the way you all act infront of him. Wahahah padan muke. Nyehehehe, k.

If I could only find the note to make you understand, now sing it softly in your ear and grab you by the hand. Keep it stuck inside your head like your favourite tune, and know my heart's a stereo that only plays for you.

Today's O Level Mother Oral went, quite alright i guess? Other than a few mistakes in reading and stumbling of words. I didnt feel nervous at all, and that was great! In fact, i went on with my usual nonsense just before facing the examiners. Danial's entertaining. Now i call him Hamster, coz he looks like one. And Mr Yao is.. ok no description. He's just him, with that annoyingness that is part of who he is, lol. And Gloria was there drinking water next to me too, hehehehehe. I'd say the whole experience was fun even, HAHA yeah there's something wrong with me. I think i'd only get a Merit though, but we'll see.

Kan Natasha? Cheer up okay, there's still everything else left not to mention 4 months to prepare :)

One last thing......

Him in Highschool, and him now. HEHEHEHE how cute is this guy? So love his afro hair, damn cool!

#15: I miss you.

2011-07-04T13:06:00.007+08:00

Cb!!! I just found out my previous post pretty much disappeared. Wtf :(

Feelings and electronic devices are being such fucking bitches nowadays. Or maybe its just me. Whatever.

#14: I want a kitten. And a hug.

sunshine

2011-07-02T22:46:00.006+08:00

#13:

Indeed i do believe, this i am ^^

Didnt do any work today, basically spent the whole day reading Kimmi Smile's tumblr but only managed to go through one month's worth hahah i'm such a stalker loool. Ahhh, olive her lots lots. She's so adorable. Oh and we both love cats! :3

Aren't they cute? :))))

Going through her tumblr and going, so that explains it. What fuels and reminds her to be so happy and cheerful all the time. Her reason, similar to mine. And it makes me look up to her even more, sucha strong girl :')

Anyway.. Rather unsure if i'm really gonna revamp my blog or not, because i'm getting lazy. Maybe just some small changes, i dont know. Lets just see how things go.

Have a good night dear person who's reading this, hearts all over the world tonight.

had a dream i was king,

2011-07-01T22:33:00.004+08:00

Exactly what's been on my mind for the recent- pretty cakes and pretty dresses. Ok more like gorgeous cakes and pretty dresses. Yup, that dress thingy up there is a cake. Cake art is amazing! I've been so fascinated by cake art eversince i watched an episode of Amazing Wedding Cakes on Mio tv hahah. Even though its like super mega hard cause it not only requires baking skills but also artistic skills, its something i wanna try in the future! So freaking awesome.

So yesh, as i said in my previous emo post, i'd cheer up and so hey, i did! Heehee. Dont know, just suddenly woke up the next morning happy as ever. I guess its all just to do with mindset. A good and positive mindset goes a long way in how things play out and how you handle them. Maybe i'm stating the obvious, but whatevaaaaaaa :>

Well.. I dont really know what to write so i'll just go with whatever comes to mind.

Today's Youth Day celebration was quite nice especially Miss Dianah Mr Elfie and Mr Lee who dressed up as students and acted!! They were soooooooo freaking adorablez and cute like like never before. Mr Elfie's dancing and singing and Miss Dianah's supa long socks and skirt, hahahah! Damn adorable ^^

Recess today i met Cikgu Hartini for Lisan practice. I think i've really improved since last time, i'm more confident and fluent in speaking now than i was before, but now that i've gotten used to talking away, i keep blabbering nonsense! I said all kinds of things but never answered the question she asked. You know why? Coz once i open my mouth to talk and think along the way, i forget whats the question she asked so i just went on and on about irrelevant stuff. She had to stop me and bring me back to topic LOL. Same for English Oral! Conversation practice with Mdm Kaur during srp, i could continue talking but i had no idea if my content had relevance or not. I just tend to lose focus very easily. Having the memory of a goldfish doesnt help either.

Oh and i dreamt of Poreotic's Justin Jet Li last night! Hehe. I was walking to some place and saw him, gave him a hug and stopped to join him even though i had no idea what he was doing. Yeah and he taught me how to dance! Aweshummmm. Butthen halfway, he turned into Afiq and i was like, wth?! Not only that but suddenly Amirul appeared and was skating in the background, lawl? Random lah seriously hahahah. But if only this happened in real life... Minus the Afiq part lah coz its a spoiler, lol.
Why dont i ever dream of Law :(

Andand, 4e2's graduation class video! Its funnayeeeeeee heeheeeeeeee. Good thing Mr Yong didnt ask to pass up emaths homework as expected yay! But emaths mock exam was whattheshit i'm screwed lah my emaths hancur :c

Ooooh and me and Sherilyn decorated muffins with icing on Thursday morning in class (lol) and gave them to Ruiwen as her veryvery belated birthday present. Its funnnnnn :DDD icing is so yumyum, me Natasha Sherilyn Lucretia Santhiya cant stop eating it straight from the bottle, hehe.

Sooooo... This post has been long enough huh.

#12: I only re-started blogging after so many months away (cause i was lazy heh)because Natasha started blogging again! Heeheeee

Kbai!

Set fire to the rain

2011-06-28T17:01:00.004+08:00

The things you say sometimes, its like your tongue is a blade. I know you mean well when you say those things but the way they come across, the way you put your words and how you express it, it just.. hurts. Ok.

Been having rollarcoaster feelings recently. Suddenly i'm happy. Suddenly i feel pathetic. Suddenly everything's alright. Then suddenly its not. And school's draining everything out of me, its so tiring. And as i say these things, they suddenly feel so exaggerated because actually, nothing's going wrong right now. Everything's well, except me. Must be pms. I keep crying over the slightest things. But no, no more wasting happiness.

A teacher's been picking on me! Disappointed in you. Angry at you. Tarnished impression of you. Expect you to look for me and apologise. Blahblahblah. Just because i skipped a class during the holidays? Oh please.

Anyway, i'm sitting with Natasha in class now! Heehee so fun last row and we're next to Chaofannnnn. She keeps dancing to lines of songs, hehehe so cute. But oh, i accidently brought her ben10-ish watch home ooooops. But its mega cool! Dabangg ;)

And prom news out! Seletar Country Club or something. Somehow i'm not excited for prom like how all the other girls are. What kind of dress, which type of shoes, whats the theme, how to do my hair. Somehow some part of me doesnt even wanna go? Yeah. Dont know why though. Hmm, lets just see how.

Somehow this post just sounds so darn gloomy and depressing. Maybe its my mood. Hope this updownundecidedandforeverchanging feelings phase fades out soon because it suckzzzzzz. I just wanna be lost in the embrace of happiness again. And i will, soon :)

Omg Olevel orals soon! And prelims!

#11 : I feel like i'm on the outside looking in.

hey you,

2011-06-27T21:54:00.005+08:00

Smile, you are amazing.

2011-06-25T21:18:00.004+08:00

Fuck. I have to stop being so sensitive, stop letting all these little things get to me so much. Brush them off instead.

And hey, school soon. Whoopie yayness!
Not.

Swiper no swiping!

2011-06-24T20:43:00.003+08:00

Went to school today and met Hazzry after his Friday Prayers and he taught me emaths. Started on new chapters of the tys but only managed to complete maybe about 2 topics today. Sigh, still got so many left.

After that we walked to Northpoint, following the bus 800 route. I just really like walking longlong distances, especially when i'm with some i can talk nonstop nonsense with hehe.

Blahblah, got home just in time to break fast. Yayyy only 3 more days left to fast and it'll be over and done with!

So tired and sleepy. Got so much work left to do lah, alamak. But anway, so glad things got back to normal :)))))

#10: I keep dreaming of this donkey. Natasha you know who. Why ah?!

Thunder

2011-06-22T20:41:00.001+08:00

What happens when what you thought you wanted didnt turn out to be it?

This.

hey hey listen listen!

2011-06-21T19:55:00.003+08:00

Thats what my adik has been saying the whole day long in a super irritating voice, he copied some video he watched on Youtube. How annoying. But somehow i started doing it too hahahah.

Less than a week to the start or Term 3 and i've yet to come close to even completing all my work. Still got the orange tys book 13 chapters left. The whole whiteblackblue book and 6 sets of emaths exam papers. Not to mention English worksheet, all the daily newspaper articles that i'm supposed to do but havent done any, plus ss mye corrections. Whole of last week slack habis. Dieeeee. But tmr going out to study with Shahira :)

Oh and i kinda got busted. Haha ok nothing much lah. My mum just suddenly grabbed my phone and right at that moment i got a text from Hazzry and i forgot to exit my inbox too, and guess what? My whole inbox of almost 800 is basically all from him. She purposely go and see summore. Gawd, so irritating. Then she said, why so many?! I just smiled and grabbed my phone back, lol. She didnt ask anymore after that, so i guess she assumed that he's my boyfriend or something. Oh well. Just let her think what she wants lah hor.

Well soooo. Ah darn. Homework.

#9: I still dont know where this is going. Seems like you do and you're so sure of it, but i'm still.. very unsure.

mini oreo bite size!

2011-06-19T16:51:00.002+08:00

The title has absolutely no link what so ever but who the hell cares. Its yummy though :3

A more proper post with pictures and colours and words soon. Its gonna be colourful, wonderful, beautiful, magical! zzzzzzzzzz, Not.
I've typed it all out but photos, i'm lazy to put the photos. But it'll be incomplete without them soooooo... I'll just take my own sweet time, buhbye :)

zooweemama!

2011-06-17T21:27:00.004+08:00

awesex week.
In pretty much every term of the word. Lawl ok maybe not, later you people think dirty (ohyes, i know how you think). But yeah basically the whole week was so damn shiok.

Spent wednesday originally wanting to go to Ktph with Hazzry to study but for some stupid reason my eyes started turning swollen, because i ate something i had a slight allergic reaction to, how dumb. My eyes were too swollen-ish for me to even look at my work properly (lawl imagine how dumb i looked, i seriously did), so we decided to walk around. We went from Sherilyn's estate to Sheryl's estate to Khatib and along the Macdonald's drivethru area, and straight along the path through Chongpang till Sembawang where we went to some park near the Jelutung CC then to his block's roof garden, and walked all the way through Admiralty to Woodlands and my estate area. In total we look almost 5 hours, from nearing 1pm till around 6pm. Damn tiring but it was hella fun i tell you. I was exhausted to the point i started blabbering nonsense without knowing what i was saying. As in, i only knew what i was talking about only after i had started talking. Does this even make sense? But hey, he played along the whole time. Plus i knew this was something he'd never want to purposely do in like a million years but he went along with it because i wanted to, so thankyou anak Shafaruan for accompanying me you damn awesumzcsxsc!

Spent my Thursday doing nothing half the day followed by going to Geylang with my half my family :)))

Friday's class outing was funfunfun. Me and Shaan along with the others built this meowmeow thingy, it looked like a huge cat peeking out from the sea.

We also made a giant footprint and this!

Hanyi running after that hawt guy jogging along the beach was epic, look like some Bay Watch scene. Same when Afiq was running towards the two girls in bikinis, hahahahah. OH and Chaofan's face after taking a picture for those same bikini girls, HAHAHAH. Like wth lah hahah. Volleyball soccer with class was fun and going over that bridge thingy to the other side at the rocks where it was supa windy was damn shiok! Seriously nice. The others swam in the water while i sat alone and wrote on the sand, like a loner :c sucks when you wanna play in the water but you cant. Damn you menses.

Changed and blahblah, slipped Amirul's bday card in his bag before leaving Siloso Beach and felt like a secret admirer stalker afterwards! Like seriously man no kidding, hahahah.

Went around Sentosa to the other stations, walked around took pictures ate blahblah who cares. On the way back Santhiya, Manisha and Shahirah really looked like mad women cause they kept laughing like hyenas, serious shit. Siewmai lah, Bak Kwa lah, Nasi Lemak and who knows what else. Seeing them looking delirious made me laugh too, while being tempted to make it seem as if i had no clue who those people were, right Natasha? Hehehe.

The whole day was damn fun. But jealous, my family went to Malaysia and shopped while i was out! I wanna shop tooooo ): ohwell. And also, whoaaaaaaaa to some people and how they were at the beach, like seriously. And yeah, its those omgwhuuuuut kinda whoa. The bad kind, lol.

Finally the 5 of us!

Woke up Friday, first thing i did was read the Vday day from Hazzry. "You are weird. Like really. Unlike anyone i have met, ever." He's always going on about how much of a weirdo i am -.- as if he isnt weird either? He spent the day telling me things that he thinks about me thats weird. Here's some- me being into superheroes stuff, wanting to learn to ride a motorbike, being afraid of lightning, and my (quote) 'crazy ideas like studying at a hospital and randomly taking buses around Singapore'. I dont really think any of these are that weird. Do you? Leave a comment in the section below! Haha ok lame, pretending to be like RayWilliamJohnson.

And today this lovely Monday watching Mr Popper's Penguins with my lovelies Kathleen and Xueqi! Followed by shopping at Orchard :)))) So great to finally spend time with them.

Ok boreddddd. Bye sexy! :}

#8: I cry alot during movies. Like seriously, no kidding. Even Mr Popper's Penguins made me cry, what the hell.

Grab somebody sexy tell em hey;

2011-06-14T11:51:00.007+08:00

And dear Mr Lawrence Devera seconds that.

Just came back from shooting camp and holymama it was fun, especially the nightwalk! Ghost stories for hours and hours with the juniors at one part of the patch of grass opposite school where we had our nightwalk. I was at the first station whereby we disbatch them one by one. The sounds of their screaming, wah shiok seriously. Until residents called police who came by, thinking some girls kena rape or what lol. And Hanyi makeup Jocelyn, she really did look very scary.

After all the juniors were off on their nightwalk, me Joan Mandy sat on the canvas, waving to the cars passing by and some of the few joggers too hehe. It was really so nice and cooling i didnt mind just sleeping there. Back to school at 11pm. Everyone else ordered Mac and ate in the middle of the courtyard as if got real campire, they ton. But me and Taymin stay in our bunks coz we tired and sleepy laaaa. Taymin always so random one.

Today was the beginning of the sec1s and 2s camp organised by the sec3s (Yesterday was for sec3s only, planned by us sec4s) but i left for home and now i got nothing to dooooo sigh.

How i wish i couldve joined in all the activities yesterday instead of being at a station everytime or whatever. I wanted to participate but Rayne no allowwwwwww ): k nvm.

Still bored.......

how fucking adorable c:

#7: I've always wondered how it feels like to be drunk and have a hangover.

life is a playground

2011-06-12T23:17:00.003+08:00

Watched Yes Man on tv and gollygosh do you know that it has to be one of my favourite movies. Its just so fun and random, what the characters do especially Allison, who's played by Zooey Deschanel. And just tqo days ago i finished reading the book that inspired the movie, its great toooooo :>

Spent today at the library with Hazzry, did emaths and english followed by aimless walking around like we always seem to do hahah. Got home just in time for breaking fast cause yeap, was fasting today. Got 4 more days left yay.

Gonna be busy whole of next week; camp, camp, out wit Hazzry (random bus riding!), camp and class outing on Fridayyyyy~ and my parents are gonna be out of Singapore tooooo. My mama was like, make sure you go camp ah and not elsewhere, dont naughtynaughty. Lol ma, for what i wanna go merayap overnight at random places? I'd really rather just be at home sleeping on my bed please hehe.

So yepz, cheers to a busy week ahead! Not sure I'm supposed to finish all that homework though but I'll sincerely try my best. Blogging with my adik's phone so leceh lah but i lazy on com hahah.

K lah, better go to bed bye you sexy people!

#6: One day i wanna spontaneously get on the first place out of Singapore for a few days, just for the fun of it. Shiok ah.

i just wanna lay in my bed,

2011-06-11T08:46:00.002+08:00

#6: i feel completely and utterly embarrassed (no not really, i'm just exaggerating). I'm gonna spend today in bed (this part i'm serious about).

I dont know why i do the things i do sometimes. No wait, more like all the time.

And honey, if you're reading this, AHEM. I told you to get lost right? Ok, sorry, but i have my reasons. You know who you are if you are who i'm referring to. Yes, you.

Okbye.

and i just cant get enough,

2011-06-10T15:36:00.004+08:00

and so tell me how can i not find him adorable :>

i'm bored. i dont wanna talk about the last few days because its pretty much pointless? yeah.

Been going gaga over dance all over again (again), after watching ABDC's Season 6 finale with all the previous winning crews performing, ♥

This girl is younger than me, and she's absolutely amazing. The way she moves. She's got swag.
I'd say I aM mE is deserving to have won :)

Now past 9pm and Hazzry's still out with Amirul and AJ, ngah lepak main guitar, berjiwang katekan. Matrep betul lah korang ni, taktahu nak balik ke? Hahahah.

#5: Of all people to be jealous of, i envy those who pursue their passion and dreams. Its something i've yet dare to do.

but does that mean i have to walk on water,

2011-06-07T16:14:00.005+08:00

I want a kitten!

Had malay class in the morning at 0745 then was alone in class doing emaths, cause i only had chemistry at 1130. Good thing Kaiwen came into class and somehow accompanied me hahah. Was nice having the class so quiet and empty, at least i could concentrate on doing the paper2 even though i didnt get far because i didnt know how to do so many questions. For chemistry we played with the structure thingys which was quite fun, like building block during kindergarten hehe. After that took photos for the class graduation video thingy, but damn today my hair so !#$&^%*&* why didnt they take yesterday when my hair was like, nicer (lawl aisyah, seriously).

Went with Amirul, Fatin and Shahira to foodcourt. They ate but i didnt, they kept asking whywhywhy hahahah. Taknak makan salah ke? I dont even know why i went in the first place when i didnt want to eat hahah. Guess i just didnt wanna go home so early. So then Amirul blanja us Icekacang. Thanks Amirul ^^

Accompanied Shahira to someone's house and on the way we came across a dead bird in the middle of the road. Like pity uh, pat tengah2 later car go over how? So Shahira used tissue to carry it put it at the side and guess what? The intestines were like, coming out. Seriously gross. If i were her i wouldnt dare do such thing. Thank goodness for her.

After taking her stuff from that person's house, she cabbed me to the school bus stop then blahblah k back homeeeee.

This June Holidays isnt a holiday at all. But its alright, i wanna do well for O's. Like Ms Dianah said, " Either you choose to enjoy this June Holiday and suffer for the rest of your life, or you work hard this June Holiday and enjoy for the rest of your life."
K, i want the second one please.

WATCH THIS.

Harry Shum Jr ♥

Btw, Happy Birthday Afiq!

#4: I miss Ramdan. Its been years since i last saw him.

i'm no beauty queen,

2011-06-06T15:08:00.008+08:00

well, i skipped english today. i stayed in bed, lying for hours before it was time to go get ready for chemistry lesson at 1130. they gave my number to Mdm Kaur so.... i guess she'll me soon or something. imma say i wasnt feeling so well in the morning.

after chemistry, me Manisha Natasha Shahira Shahirah Santhiya went to Honey Hut to eat. it was the first time i went to eat outside in a long time, and somehow it felt so sinful. walking to the bus stop, i felt like i should walk all the way home because it was so oily and stuff hahah. mygosh, i'm letting Zah and her diet scheme to lose weight get to me so much.

#3: i can spend hours doing nothing but just sit infront of the mirror and stare at myself. thats right, i'm fucking vain.

nice guys,

2011-06-05T21:05:00.004+08:00

Cows go MOOOOOOOO! hehehehehe i'm like so obsessed with this please.

i love today soso much.

Ok so i fasted today but i didnt sahur caused i was depending on someone to prepare the food and wake me up but apparently nobody did. what you get for being too dependent on people hehe.

woke up at 11 but stayed in bed till like 1 maybe. i can spend hours in bed doing nothing at all, just rolling and half-sleeping, lol. plus it was raining when i woke up, so shiok why wouldnt i just stay in bed, kankan? Hazzry asked if i wanted to go to some performance at The Esplanade but i was too lazy and turned him down, yet again. i was too lazy to go for Kungfu Panda 2 with him on friday too :x ahdang my laziness.

but so anyway, i finally completed one emaths paper1. finally after so many days, whoopwhoop. need to speed up doing work, stay focused! :>

i swear Hazzry calls me basket and threatens to slap me almost every other day (mostly cause i did or said something to deserve it, heh), but he never really does slap me. even if does, its with a soft toy hahah. but in turn when i say i'd slap him, k i do it wahahah. no wonder he calls me basket, ooops.

if i find this book, i'd buy it and lend it to everyone i love. we people always choose to look at the bad and negative stuffs more than the positive in every situation, and hardly ever is happy simply because we more or less chose not to be when we can be. remember, its not about what we dont have, but rather, about what we do. look on the bright side! :)

for all we know, we might not get tomorrow.

2011-06-05T00:40:00.002+08:00

Ohk its really pathetic when i'm this bored and its 12.50 at night and there's no one to layan my nonsense when i'm feeling this random and hyper at this time of night cause everyone's prolly sleeping or partying or drooling or being a bitch or rolling in bed or trolling behind a computer or camping or ton or singing or dancing or studying or facebooking or blogging or eating or shitting or drinking or clubbing or working or reading or watching tv or cuddling in bed or praying or texting or spamming or resting or rioting or bathing or counting money or fighting or quarrelling or doing homework or making DIYS or having a bbq or going home or waiting and being random and bored and hungry and everything else that can be done in the world except replying my text. Hah k i dont even know what i've been saying.

Anyways. Some people can just be such bitches. And not face to face, but bitching about others online, like on facebook or youtube and stuff. Trolling. Going on as if others arent irritated with their crap? I dont know. All i know is that i really dislike people who like to find problem with other people, macam nak step besar mane seriously. Just as or infact lagi irritating than the person that they're finding problem with. Peace people, takmo nak gadoh-gadoh.

K stop it dah mcm Ustazah bagi sharahan hahah.

#2: i've always wanted a best guy friend, even more so than wanting a boyfriend.

cows go mooooooo!

2011-06-04T14:49:00.003+08:00

I have pretty much been going gaga over pretty hair recently, especially wavy and curly hair. Oh how i wish for sexy waxy hair (like in the photos i've uploaded in my previous few posts).

So anyway, the start of my many confessions on this blog of mine starts today.

Confession 1: I used to really really dislike my name, simply because i thought it was too common and i wanted something unique. Then i realized how silly this was and learnt to love my name cause it was like the first gift from my papa :)

Hehe what a stupid confession. Anyways, today's my brother's 24th birthday! But we aint celebrating coz he's working today. Ohhhwell.

Oh and i'm using my adik's phone to write this post. So leceh haha.

Ok bye you lovely people! :>

trying.

2011-06-03T23:54:00.002+08:00

I want to try something out.
I have decided that I will post one confession everyday in my blog (or maybe just in every post if I have no time or am lazy). Maybe something personal, or something random, or my opinion and thoughts on certain things. Stuff that you people may or may not know about me. I shall start tomorrow, and stop whenever it is I want to.

Just felt like doing this, :>

luv,

2011-06-03T13:49:00.002+08:00

Thats my boyfriend up there, doing what he loves the most.
Lawrence Bravo Devera ♥

(hehehe i wish)

We're 10 000 miles apart,

2011-06-02T14:45:00.003+08:00

Her hair looks gorgeous in the California King Bed video, but i still dont like her.

I have to learn to stop getting angry at everything for no apparent reason, seriously.

How can something so sweet be wrong?

2011-05-31T18:42:00.005+08:00

I feel like i havent been posting here for such a loooong time. But in actual fact, it hasnt been that long.

I want hair like that.

Mother Tongue intensive programme, can i say i liked it alot and it reallyreally helped me? Totally gave me what i needed and gave me confidence in facing the Mother Tongue O's yesterday. Thank you so much Cikgu Hartini :) i dont know why everyone else isnt as thankful and is all 'urghhh so sucky' kinda thing instead. Just hoping i'll do well.

Yesterday's papers were quite alright actually, manageable. Even though i was such a dumbdumb, for two main reasons.

1. Drinking redbull as breakfast.
Before and during the papers, nervousness already had my heart racing fast and hard. Redbull didnt help at all. Lets just say, I had to go pee 7 times between before the papers till they were all over. Sheesh, why bladder why?! Not only that, like i said, my heart was racing fast and hard. As in, i didnt even have to lean against the back of my chair and i could already feel my heart pounding against my chest. like literally hitting against it. Plus i had a headache during the paper. It was truly horrible. The last time i had redbull the same things happened, i felt reallyreally sick. Only thing it did good for me was keep me from feeling sleepy. Well actually that was my purpose in drinking it for breakfast.
But i should still stay away from redbull.

2. Wasting time during the paper.
Being the blur sotong that i am, i didnt the booklet could open trifold i wrote my answers in all the wrong page for a whole section. Had to canceland rewrite everything. My handwriting was way messier than my usual messy :/

Other than that everything's fine :>

Went to northpoint library with Lucretia afterwards, followed by heading off to the hospital alone. Waited 2 hours before i finally left with my now pretty braces hehe. Feels so much easier to smile now that they removed the metal arc in my mouth finally after a year, yay.

Today was just, boring. After classes, i went home to watch Beastly online, which is really nice by the way :)

The guy's pretty hawt but i prefer him with his 'beast' look. Like seriously, i think its damn cool. His scars and weird patterns and tattoos. In which, his eyebrows are tattoos of arabic words, which i think is totally ironic.

I guess thats all for now.
Oh how i wish to be spending more time with my friends. And him.

if this was right, dont throw it all away

2011-05-22T19:14:00.003+08:00

So glad to spend yesterday together and talk about it coz it was kinda somehow abit bothering me. When it started raining we just sat at the shelter and did our own stuffs, i made Natasha's card and he did his physics work. Even though we didnt even talk or whatever for that whole time, i dont know, presense was enough. Then walked all the way back to Causeway Point from Woodlands Waterfront, and met Santhiya for abit before heading off home.

Hahah, so childish. And cute :3

Spent today with Natasha, Manisha, Santhiya, Sherilyn at Sembawang Park. We celebrated Natasha's birthday ^^ The outing was just short, sweet and simple but i totally loved it. It was fun hehehe.

Some pictures for you Natashi, if you want more i'll pass the rest to you soon ;)

Heeheee i'm just lovin it. Loving what? I have no idea actually, probably everything. Despite tomorrow being PTM and malay O's coming soon and June Holidays not being holidays. For PTM, even my mama thinks my teacher talks too much bullshit so there's nothing to worry about. For Malay O's well, for some reason i'm not dreading it like everyone else is. In fact i'm looking forward to it. Call me crazy, i dont care hehe. And i'm ready to work my butt off during the June Holidays too. Hehehe now i talk big but we'll just wait and see.
I WILL make sure I work hard.

Toodles!

making my brain delirious

2011-05-19T16:39:00.004+08:00

And if you have a minute, why don't we go talk about it somewhere only we know?

So got all my results already. Overall i failed only amaths with an awesome score of only 16 marks hehehe. Sadly not last in class luh, Natashi beat me to it. Awwwdarn, why Natashi why? Then now i'm like, should i drop amaths? My results totally obviously cmi, but my tuition teacher (who by the way cancelled on me today AGAIN for the 348657589th time, bloodyhell) said i actually caught on quite fast for differentiation, which i do agree coz its kinda basically the only thing i know how to do in amaths, but other than that nehhh i'm just a pathetic slowpoke who doesnt get it. Sooooo, i'm still undecided.

I'm forever undecided. For this, for that, for everything. About amaths, about where to go after secondary school, about you, everythinggggg. I was thinking if i could just cut and paste it away, as if it never happened, but mamamia they're saying nonono i cant! And i know what i should do, but kinda sorta abit slightly am reluctant to do because.. well because. Its hard okay. Santhiya, my dear two of a kind, knows exactly what i'm talking about. Apparently we're sailing together on the same boat, both desperately wanting to runaway and not face it but knowing its not the right thing to do. Ahhhhhh k get you yourself i me hi together. Ohdamn what nonsense am i saying. k nevermind. But going sailing together sounds like such a fun idea hehehe.

I did relatively quite alright for everything else i guess, well maybe except for chemistry which is my second weakest subject. 20plus over 65, sighhhh. But good thing biology's there to boost me up to a pass, hooray biology! Geography paper 2 was a shocker coz i expected to fail but i got 30.5/50! whoopwhoop. But the biggest shocker has to be malay. 50/70, omg first time! hahah was really surprised. 69 marks in total, damnnnnnit i want one mark please ): but anyway, i feel so encouraged to do well in malay now. Intensive malay lessons, bring it on. Hehehe i talk like bigfuck. Padahal baru dapat B3 jer hahaha.

Oh and hello, hi. If you dont know whats going on, please dont assume sweetie. We people might not realise actually how very much wrong we are sometimes.

words i coudnt say out loud.

2011-05-18T17:35:00.004+08:00

Yesterday felt like a dream. You, the kites, the food, our friends, walking rounds and home, that hug, the call. Everything.

It just all caught me by surprise, i didnt know what to say.
Infact, there was nothing i could say. Quite literally, it took my breath away, it left me breathless.

Maybe i'm over-overthinking. I'm just afraid.

Save your heart for someone who takes your breath away.

But the words just cant flow.

2011-05-11T14:11:00.003+08:00

Finally, after 2 months and 28 days, i got my valentines present from Afiq. We were both coincidently going to causeway point so i reminded him about my present. So we went to Kiddy Palace and he got me a carebear! Hehehehe happy liao ^^ i didnt really expect for him to get me anything even though i bother and irritate him about it almost every single day in school hehehe. Aww, sho sweet. Hahah thank you Afiq! :)

Today's geog and bio paper was not bad, boleh tahan even though there were somethings i werent sure about. Surprising coz i totally couldnt get things in my head the whole time yesterday. And yesterday's chemistry and amaths were shit. Amaths memang confirm not more than 20marks, i'm not expecting anything mouch actually. But chemistry was arghhhh, i left so many blanks it was so hard for me! Everyone else was saying how easy it was )':

Ok, only a few days left till the end of midyears. And after that, i'll start revising for prelims. Kanchiong much? Yes i am. I really dont wanna screw prelims up please. I want to change.

building,

2011-05-06T22:20:00.002+08:00

i'm so sorry that i'm selfish. I really am. You say its okay, that you understand. But to me, no, its not okay. I've been really wanting and meaning to spend time with you coz to be honest i do miss you, but the thought of exmas keep swarming all over in my head, and how much i've screwed up all the other previous papers, its just like omgeebleahdnqjepsnxvxg i'm going nowhere in life kinda thing. So i thought of committing my weekend to serious studying, and then you ask me out. And its not that i dont want to coz i really do. Ahhhhhdamn, i'm just selfish :/ i'm so sorry.

Lets seeeeee. Amaths confirm around 10marks or less, i really honestly wouldnt be surprised since i only knew how to do a 2marks part of a question. Social studies i left out a whole 8marks question because i'm sucha slowpoke andddddd. Well today's malay and english papers 2 were, idontknow, okay i guess? I dont know what to say. Just hoping i wont do so bad.

Shahira suggests that i start watching malay movies and stuff, to improve my malay since it seriously sucks so bad to the point i'm kinda incapable of conversing in malay properly. I cant even talk bahasa melayu pasar properly, so yeah you can imagine how bad that is.

Anyways, me Manisha Natasha Santhiya went to popular to buy some stuffz for mother's day. I bought those wooden puzzles pieces thingy that you can form structures into for my mama. I bought a peacock one for her, and spent the afternoon making it since my tuition was, once again and forever always is, postponed.

Tomorrow imma start hardcore revising lawl. Hehehehe i just hope i really can luh. If not, i should and so should everyone else, slap me seriously.

I love when my maid tells me stories about her life back in Indonesia. They're all so dramatic and eventful, just like those indonesian dramas hahahah. She's a strong woman, she tolerated an abusive exhusband for her daughter's sake and all that, and finally left for her own good, even though she really still does love and care for the fella. She said even though he changed, maybe deep down he's still the man she fell in love with, awh. She says, you cant force yourself and neither can anyone force you to love someone but when you do, you just do. Its not something that changes just like that.
She said manymany very wise and good advice but alamak the way i say it here it just sounds like all those usual cliche shit you always hear about love. I'm just not that good at expressing and explaining.

I really do hope my on again off again flu goes away for good. Its soooo irritating!
I wish i could post photos but i'm using my handphone to post again so, maybe next time i guess. Havent used the laptop to blog for awhile now.

Alright so off i go. Nightynight.

Legendary!

2011-05-04T22:39:00.003+08:00

So i'm supposed to be rushing through 6 emaths papers right now but this makes me so happy i just couldnt make this wait!

What exactly am i talking about? Well, the fact that gay marriage is now legal in the US. Ok i know i'm super duper outdated about this, and that i have absolutely nothing to do with this but what the hell, i'm still so glad! I mean, just because people are of a certain sexuality that is unlike the majority, it doesnt mean that they should be treated any different. They are people just like the rest of us. They should be having the same rights as every one else. No reason to be treated different. They should not be discriminated against. Screw those who treat people mean just because they are different. I find these people who are brave enough to accept and embrace who they are very inspiring and strong. And that is why...

Ohyeaaaaaah. (Ooooops this is supposed to be a gif but whenever i upload with my phone it turns into just a photo)

Finally this great man, Neil Patrick Harris, who i personally admire, is able to marry the man he loves!

Aww, this just makes me smile :)))))

It makes me happy to know that not everything in this world is screwed up after all. There is still hope that the world will be a better place, for everyone :)

I said it cause i can,

2011-05-04T22:39:00.001+08:00

I know right. And that means school, sigh. I dont wanna go to school! Too much incomplete work, the mere thought of that kills all the joy (if any even) about going back to school. Term 3, semester 2, prelims, fasting month, O level MT results! Shdbfdudmsdbxfaogiwm!!!

Usually i'm just lazy to do anything and so i dont, but today its different. I'm not feeling lazy or whatever, its just that today i dont feel like doing aaaaanything. But nah, i dont wanna just lay in my bed- i did feel like doing that yesterday though.

Ok sooooo... Ahbleagh better get to doing stuffs soon.

#11: As if you didnt already figure this out, i heart Lawrence Devera.

2011-05-04T22:39:00.000+08:00

Argh damn the post i just wrote disappeared ok alright k best i lazy rewrite ah k byeeeeee

ultraviolet

2011-04-29T22:14:00.003+08:00

That fire you ignited; good, bad and undecided.

First day of mid year examinations, everything went not bad i can say.
Oh maybe except for when i redid my whole first page of english situational writing coz i realized i wrote it wrongly, then didnt have enough time to fill up missing blanks i left in my compo. I left blanks coz i couldnt find the exact word to fit the sentence hahahah k dumb. Ohwellll. At least now the whole idea of being in the hall for exams doesnt scare me anymore.

After exams went to Northpoint with Natashiiii, then we bought...
Ribbon bow hairties! and omgggggg i love them sosososo much ehehehehe i'm so happy naoz. A black one and a pink one, heeeee i want more pleazzzz :>

Woke up early today morning at 4plus am to revise (yes, i'm that kiasu) and, well, it was good that i decided to wake up that early :') i really want to do well. i need to stay focused and drivennnn.

tmr morning, emaths class at 0745 oh sigh i miss my sleep! but, nvmnvm.
alright sooooo, goodnight baby blue eyes!

2011-04-28T17:41:00.002+08:00

Dont know why i still feel sad, but i still do. Cheered up abit yesterday though. Without even knowing whats wrong or even actually doing anything, somehow you were just able to make me feel better. Thankyou Hazzry :)

Today during morning assembly when they had the video playing for the VH students who set up a booth in Yishun Junior College, they were playing Vanessa Carlton's A Thousand Miles. Deargawd i teared up and almost cried. Why is it that i'm so unable to control my emotions? Its so pathetic la seriously. I love the song though.

Tomorrow's the start of Midyear's, and gosh when i passed by the hall after school, the sight of all the tables arranged in the hall, it terrified me. It was as if i would be taking the real thing tomorrow. And i am sooooo unprepared, shit.

Alright so off to revision i go. All da best to everoneeee

bittersweet

2011-04-27T19:23:00.003+08:00

Thats just how it feels. Thats how it always feels when it comes to this matter. I dont know why it bothers me that much up til now, this very same thing from years ago. It always manages to make me feel all sad and stuff. And you know what? This sucks.

No, you probably dont know this affects me this much, every single time. Call me dramatic or whatever you like, but this is honestly how i feel. The thought kicks in, my mood goes down, and i just keep going on and on in my head the same things again and again and again. Even if i've been through it before and told myself so many times the same things over again. I really dont know why this bothers me till now.

Its like we're almost strangers now. But i dont blame x. Neither do i blame you. Or myself. Maybe there is no one to blame, maybe it never was anyone's fault. Maybe it was all of our faults, maybe each played a part in leading things to how they are now. I may not remember exactly what happenned anymore, the mistakes made that led to things being the way they are, but perhaps its better that i dont remember if all its gonna do is make me feel worse.

I could go on and on if i wanted to, but i'm not going to. Whats the use anyway? Just hope finally sometime soon, all this goes away. No more guilt, no more awkwardness, no more wanting to say more than just hi but not being able to do more, not anything less than a normal friendship.

I really do miss you, miss our friendship, miss how we used to be, how things used to be. Even though i know things wont be as they were, i still hope. That at least things will be better than just this. I know we can never get any of those times back, so how about build new ones? Better than we've had before.

free

2011-04-23T13:35:00.002+08:00

I feel so relieved.

All this time, I somehow felt so guilty of how I might be making you feel with all thats happened. Cause I knew right from the start that you'd never like any of it (if I were you I prolly wouldnt either) but yeah, reading what i read and knowing what I now know, I feel so relieved. Even though you'd probably not read this or even know I'm referring to you, I just feel the need to say, it was never my intention of having you go through what you did and making you feel the way you did. Yes I do know you did some things to make me feel shitty on purpose and yes it did work sometimes, but never did I ever want to 'take revenge' or anything. Just because you were mean doesnt mean I have any right to react the same way you did when the tables were turned.

And now everything's the way it should be :) EXCEPT...

EXAMS ARE IN 6 DAYS AND I FREAKING HAVENT STUDY. What the shit am i thinking and what the fuck am I doing now? Oh thats right, I'm thinking about something totally unimportant (ok its important to me) but totally irrelevant, and I'm blogging when I should be studying.

But I'm goin out soon with my papa and adik so yeppppp, maybe study at night? ehehehehe.

I felt sooooo happy on Tuesday, when me Santhiya Sherilyn gave Nadiah and Shaik their birthay gifts that we made. We made a tiedye shirt for each of them and Rockroad tooooo. OMG IF ONLY I KNEW WHERE THE CAMERA IS RIGHT NOW I COULD SHOW YOU DA PHOTOS. Ohwell maybe next time then :)

ahhhdamn there's so many things I wanna say here but so many other things that I should be doing instead so okay alright yup I'm going off byeeeee~

2011-04-12T18:30:00.002+08:00

Waaaa, k best. I got stood up in my own home, by my tuition teacher hahahah. Its suppose to be my first tuition session, and yep the tutor last minute say got something on and cant come. Awesomeeeee. Could have told me like at least a few hours earlier?

I rushed home like a silly duck all the way from Khoo Teck Puat Hospital for nothing. Ohwell.

Ohoh, its my bibik's birthday today woooo~

I look like a freaking dracula naooozczxzczx. Shit.

2011-04-10T22:07:00.001+08:00

Fuck regrets.
I dont wanna be able to regret anything, leave no room for them in whatever it is that you do.

I'm gonna start working hard. Hopefully its not to late.
Its never too late, right?

16 days to Mid-Year Examinations.

coz when the sun came up we knew that we would have to go,

2011-04-09T18:27:00.008+08:00

yesterday's Achievement Day was tiring yet, ahhh omg i loved it.

Last minute on Thursday i was told i had to be an usher for Achievement Day, i had to rushrush get longsleeve tee and court shoes, and guess what?

I SPENT 6 FREAKING HOURS LOOKING FOR THE SHOES.
i went from chongpang to northpiont to yishun area, to marsiling before i finally found a pair i like. coz i mega cerewet, and coz i've never worn heels before so i needed to find a pair thats nice to wear and easy to walk in. and you know what they say about shoes, you've gotta bite em before they bite you; so that was another thing i had to think about.

they also needed an usher for the VIP and the class wanted me to be, but nononono i dowan. good thing Mr Yong chose Fatin instead.

friday after school rush home to bath/eat/prepare, then went back to school for blazer fitting. wahhhhh, all no size. sad siah. i had to use a bigger sized one and pin it at the back. ohwell, the shirt i borrowed from Fiona was big too anyway.

me, Eddie, Thiha and Afiq were assigned to be ushers at the glass gates at the hall. and omg the whole time the shoes were killing me!!!! hahahah. i spent half the time sitting in the audience next to Shaufiq, who btw was so noisy with stupid silly comments about everything and telling everyone i was his girlfriend when he actually even forgot my name LOL, when all the other ushers were doing their job outside the hall OOPS.

Mr Yong looked quite pissed, but well everytime i asked Afiq if i needed to be outside he said no. goodthing he didnt scold me phew.

i didnt get to see the parade though, and i was really looking forward to it actually ):

after everything during the dinner thingy, i didnt eat. instead, i went crazy snapping photos with everyoneeee~ me, Sherilyn, Natasha, Lucretia runrun around finding people to take photos with heheheh.

thennnnn, went with Hazzry for dinner. ok more like his dinner, i just sat there. was hungry but didnt feel like eating, dont know why. over at LJS were his band friends, who went on with their usual err, i dont know how to say, but yah, that. omg wth am i saying hahahah.

followed by home together :)

here's some;

wearing a blazer and tie with longsleeve is freaking hotzczxzczxzx!!! as in literally hot la, sweat like one pig kena roasted or something.

lately been having trouble sleeping and no appetite,
hope it all goes away soon.

what are you waiting for?

2011-04-02T22:57:00.005+08:00

i dont know why i spent forever trying to figure out how to do that. i'm so freaking slow hahahah.

the whole week, i've been so dead dead dead dead and tired. seriously.
so sleepy and tired in school and whatever. i just need more sleep uh.

while sending me home, we were stalking catzzzzz. it was fun. and cute. neheheheh :3
ended up missing part of my favourite show, The Two Of Us (heheh yes i have no life), all thanks to him laaa. chase cat summore tsk.

ahhhhh my old phone, that one memang sotsot. then i changed to the one my abg gave me. this one, also somewhat sotsot. lagu-lagu jer la. its like Song A is playing and midway it'll change to Song B, but its still the same track. like the two songs cut and paste half-half. i dont know if its the track thats spoilt, or the handphone, or the memory card or whateva, but i sure hope it goes away. its irritating and the sudden change of song scares me sometimes HAHAH.

my body's still aching all over from Napfa on thursday ughhhh.
4As except sit and reach!!!! ): epic fall during shuttlerun, i tripped on my own leg and fell. infront of many people. they were sitting by the side watching us run while waiting their turn. free show is it?!?! heheheh.

bus seriously it was embarrassing ttm.

spent today after Saturday emaths class with Sheryl at Starbucks, studying. it was nice spending time with her aft so long, ♥

makes me wonder

2011-03-28T22:07:00.002+08:00

i really dont get why you must always be such a bitch. Maybe its just part of who you are as a person. But you know what, whatever. Me be ignoring, coz why? Its none of my concern what you do anyway, i should learn to mind my own business tskkk hahah.

Today Elvin and Hazzry planned to erm, trick(?) me today was like, ahahahah fail didnt turn out well did it. Nadiah gave it all away hahah. But she agreed to play along too, alamak what only luh she.

Okayyy so, LaBanda Fiesta last night was nice. I wanted to take picture with primary school kids but they left early sadly. Getting lost with Zawiah walking aroung aimlessly was fun too ^^ too bad Santhiya left early hmm.

Okeh MYE in a month, omgggg study study study study study study!!!!!!!

2011-03-25T22:48:00.002+08:00

WOOOO SANTHIYA.

2011-03-21T20:46:00.001+08:00

you know what? You're a fucking selfish bitch. You got what you deserve, stop whining pleaseee.

Ahhhomg thunder and lightning nonstop just now. Seriously, i was so scared i was almost crying. Ok, gotta relax.

First day back in school and im falling sick. Great.